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What makes a great relationship
What makes a great relationship? Well, a good healthy relationship makes you happy. Maybe not all of the time, but certainly most of the time. You want to spend time with your spouse. Live and love together. Enjoying the good life that is possible. How to do that? Well, there’s a lot of advice on the world wide web, let’s ad our tantric relationship advice and tips.
9 key factors of a tantric relationship
1. Practice Love
Tantra is the path of love. This means that love is the key factor in a relationship. There are different kinds of love but what we mean here is love as the core of your being. The kind of love that sprouts out of your heart. Love that overflows into self-love and love for others. Heart meditation, opening your heart, therefore, is very important in tantra and tantric relationships. Just take some time to re-connect to and open your heart. The simple heart meditation is one example. In our (couples) courses we present many guided heart meditation. Anyway, open your heart and practice love. Think, feel, act lovingly as much as you can.
2. Grow in awareness
Growing in consciousness is the second very important key to a great relationship. If you are not aware of how you are conditioned and how your partner triggers you then you will always be acting out your primary reactions. Awareness will help you to know yourself. You become aware of the patterns that you bring into your relationship. Most (ego) patterns are based on fear and possessiveness. Fear of losing your spouse. Fear of losing your dignity. Grow in awareness.
Be more and more aware of
- Your basic conditioning. The (cultural) values, norms, rules, patterns (judgments) you have.
- The stuff that triggers you. What your partner says/does that effects your (un)happiness.
- Your automatic reaction patterns to those triggers. E.g. projecting, blaming, shaming your partner.
- Ways to relax and respond lovingly.
3. Trust & keep it safe
Another key in healthy relationships is the intention to be maximal open and honest to each other. So whatever happens, whatever you think, feel or do is subject for open and honest communication. This is however very scary. We unlearned to be open and honest because we were punished many times for it. So trust is key in being open and honest. Trust that your partner will not judge, misuse, or share your most intimate revelations inappropriately. We want to be safe in our relationship. In fact, a relationship is a major means to have a safe place to come home to.
4. Accept the differences – show respect
Especially in hetero relationships, your partner seems very different than you. It’s hard to accept the ways your partner thinks/feels/acts because you compare it with your own “world”. This will get you into trouble. Comparing and judging will put you at distance, won’t bring you closer together. So unmask your critical mind and accept yourself, AND your partner as you are. Always respect him/her as he/she is. Never disrespect each other. On the contrary, always focus on giving positive feedback, speaking highly of your spouse.
What makes a great healthy relationship
5. Communicate using your mind, body, heart, and soul
We are all looking for connection. Romantic relationships vehicles to connect and grow into oneness. A tantric relationship is a place to come home. Besides verbal communication, there are 3 other types of communication. Of course, you know that bodies talk to each other. You can have mental intimacy, but many people also enjoy physical intimacy. The “match” between bodies is nothing more than that they speak the same language. Bodies talk.
The heart is also a very powerful send/receive mechanism. It has been proven (measured) that heart waves are 3000 times stronger than mental energy waves. So your heart is talking to the world, talking to your partner. Opening your heart, therefore, is very very important in relating. Luckily tantra has many meditations to play with this. Last but not least, let your soul into the picture. Somehow your partner plays a roll in your soul’s purpose. What is it? Why is this (wo)man in your life?
6. Cherish polarity – enjoy sexual attraction
There are many types of relationships (family/work/leisure). What we are discussing here are romantic relationships. Beside to intimacy, sexuality is key to that kind of relationships. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you’re in (hetero/homo), every romantic relationship is built on the attraction between the feminine and masculine energy. It’s like poles of a magnet. In the early stages of the relationship, this sexual attraction is mostly active. After a while, you have to reinvigorate the sexual spark. So cherish polarity. Keep it sensual and sexy.
What makes a great relationship
7. Learn from each other – encourage growth
Being in a relationship gives you a very powerful tool. It provides you with a mirror! In this mirror, you can see yourself. You can see the things you already know but also the things you don’t know or don’t want to know. The shadows of your being are exposed. The challenge in your relationship is to accept them and integrate them into your be-ing. Your partner also shows you your full potential. Many aspects of your potential are hidden and your partner shows them to you. The classical way is that the female qualities are shown by the women (and rejected by men) and the other way round. Nowadays there are many shades of relationships. Important is to know that your potential in life includes ALL qualities of mankind, both feminine and masculine energies. In a good relationship, you don’t stop to learn from each other.
8. Stay fresh – awaken your senses again
Nothing is more killing in a relationship than the idea that you know your partner. Been there, done that! Aaaawww, don’t. Life is constantly changing, your partner is constantly changing. Don’t take anything for granted. Best is that you forget everything you know at night and start fresh again in the morning. This is especially true for using your senses. Look at your partner as if it’s the first time. Let every touch be as excited as the first time. Keep it sexy. Keep exploring… the is so much to explore. Stay fresh and become more sensitive.
9. The sky isn’t even the limit – go for tantric Union
The ultimate goal of tantra, of tantric relationships, is to merge the male and female energy into oneness (pure love, pure consciousness). Lovemaking is the ultimate (earthly/human) way for a tantric union. This is why sex is always associated with tantric relationships. Well, we are human, we are built for it (hetero) and energetically the physical doesn’t even matter. A good relationship is something magical. It’s beyond the mental, emotional, physical plane. There is no limit to the depth of connection you can “feel”. You can even disappear… Think of the union as in a circle… If you create a circle between the male and feminine there’s no way to separate again. There’s no start, no finish, only togetherness.
Back to the key article on Tantric relationships
A great relationship is based on the firm foundation of (self) love and consciousness. You understand that connecting with your partner means that you have to open up and show yourself. Honesty is needed (but scary). You, however, have great trust in life and in your partner, because your relationship is a safe haven. There is respect for your partner and you accept the differences. You always (try to) focus on giving positive feedback, speaking highly of your spouse. This brings you happiness and gives you deep relaxation.
In a good relationship, it’s not only your mind speaking. No, you communicate with all you’ve got: body, mind, heart, and soul. In good relationships, partners also have polarity, they enjoy sexual attraction (and tantric sex). In and out of bed they learn from each other. Looking in the mirror reveals a lot of (growing) potential. You learn and at the same time, you stay fresh, avoiding routine and awakening your senses. You keep exploring, looking for limits that don’t even exist. Your relationship becomes even great “if you lose yourself”. If you merge into oneness with your partner.
Do you need some help?
In the above, we presented you with many tantric tools to deepen your relationship. It starts with personal “skills”. If appropriate you could check out our online courses (for singles). We have intimacy training and sexuality training.
In the key article on tantric relationships, you can find many other insights, tips, and exercises to do.
- More on (twin flame) relationships.
- Tips and exercises to boost intimacy.
- Top 10 relationship issues and how to solve them.
- How to say no without drama.
Try online couples training
As a couple, we can assist you by introducing and bringing you into the tantric process. Our courses are full of guided meditations. Again, you can choose for the intimacy angle or the sexual aspects of relating.
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