What is tantric love…
What is tantric love? The question is really funny, even weird. Who doesn’t know what love is?
Osho says: you cannot understand love. If there is love, you just feel that there is love, there are no words or thoughts or needs.
Still, I want to write about it. In “daily use” of the word or the concept of love you will notice that there are many different interpretations. A distinction is made between “types” of love: motherly love, love of a good friend, the love of lovers, love with a capital letter L, just to name a few.
There is love and there is LOVE
I myself make a difference between “love” and “Love” (with a capital letter).
What is love?
Love describes a sense of dependence
Often “love” is used for an (unconscious) sense of dependence. “I love you” very often means: I’m happy with what you mean to me, what you do for me. Without you, life wouldn’t be as good as it is, because you fulfill my needs for companionship, security, a home. Without you, I would have to take care of the children all alone, I would have to make my own living and make my house feeling a home all by myself… Your appreciation makes me think I can praise myself, your love helps me to feel the love for myself. In itself, nothing is wrong with that. Isn’t it nice to have someone, which whom you can share everything? Who supports you if difficult things happen, who takes care of you? With whom you can have great sex, or that you can meditate together or…
Love is that what you think is coming from the outside
Then, what do I mean with dependence? By that, I mean that you place this “love” outside of yourself. You think that this wonderful, blissful feeling you can have with someone, that you can only have it when that person is there or if that person does for you what you need. Without him/her you are unhappy, you feel no love … Because you think that it is the other, who makes you feel happy and loving, the love of your partner makes you happy.
Love is like a commodity: it is exclusive and scarce
We think that love is exclusive. That if we love one person it’s not possible to romanticly love another. This is a strong conditioning upon love. Monogamy is heavily supported and defended by society. Love is exclusive and scarce. If you love one person then the love for another person goes at the expense of the first. Love is an exclusive and scarce commodity (!).
Love is conditional
This is the “kind of” love, which has a counterpart: “hate”. If you don’t love me, I no longer love you. If you leave me, I don’t love you anymore, then I hate you. This is a very conditional kind of love. So what is tantric love?
Fortunately, there’s “Love”
Love with a capital letter L has to do with the deep knowing that we all are connected. That we all are really one. Universal love, the love that touches and surpasses the personal, embracing also the total, the all. So be happy with your love/lover, and know that there is more. So much more !!
The Love that is in you
Love is in you, you are part of that great universal love that connects us all. And this love actually has nothing to do with others, and at the same time, it has everything to do with the other. Because Love includes everything and everyone. It is a part of or ís, the warm realization that we are not separated from each other but we belong together, that we are one. In the core, this love is not personal.
Love that is hidden in many things
This love is not for just one or a few persons in your life. This love makes that you can feel connected to everyone and that you feel IN LOVE. Love has numerous forms of expression, feel the warmth of being together, of connection, of intimacy. Love can participate fully in your sexuality, there is love for your children, there is compassion, care, attention… Just name the forms in which love is expressed …
Love as a reflection of a universal feeling
If you feel that Love, yes, of course, you can also direct this love to another person, feel love for him/her. It is a reflection of that universal feeling of love that you share with that person, or that you project on the other. Then your love is not conditional. Whatever the other person says or does, if he is there or is not there, if he loves you or not, your love flows unrestricted. You stay in that state of love, no matter what happens. And when that love flow is no longer there, or rather, if you (for a moment) do not feel it, then that is not because of what the other is doing. But because of the impact, which you assign to what the other person does (or does not). And that same love you feel one moment for one person, the next moment for someone else, or when you are all alone.
When you don’t feel love anymore
And yes, we (most of us) are not able to feel that love all the time. We get distracted by our thoughts, our desires, our environment. We put a fence (a shield) around our heart when we are angry or frustrated. And then we don’t feel it anymore.
Let your environment support you
But in your environment there can also be triggers or mirrors so that you’re going to feel it again: the presence of your child, your beloved, when you suddenly notice how beautiful the nature around you is, when you see a beautiful painting or when you hear beautiful music. Then, just like that, you can suddenly open your heart again and feel the Love (who all this time was there flowing again. Flowing freely. This does not necessarily flow to someone or something, it’s just there. You Are Love.
Go back to your heart
Once you know that love really has nothing to do with another, but that it has to do with yóu, then it takes some time to get used to it. We are used to projecting our love on somebody or some situation, so we don’t know what is happening and what to do about it.
At the same time comes the fear of being alone, which is often mixed up with loneliness. That fear, that you can’t feel love in yourself without the other. That you will have to do everything by yourself, that you won’t be supported any longer, that…
If you know what Love is, instead of what it is not, and not only that you know it, but that you really had the experience of Love, then everything changes.
Love ánd consciousness
Love is maybe the main issue in our lives, apart from Consciousness. Live in Love and Consciousness…. That brings BLISS.
Consciousness helps to get rid of all our stories, we see the games of the ego, and we can take a consciousness look at our longings, emotions, and thoughts, to finally meet who we really are. What really belongs to us, what comes from our real self.
Love does the same but in a different way. Consciousness is being aware. Love and Consciousness together is Loving Awareness, Loving Presence. You do not just watch what is happening, which thoughts, emotions, judgments, etc we have, but you can not only let it be but also embrace with love what is there. We don’t need to judge ourselves, we don’t have to fight against our pain, sorrow, longings. Do not only watch, watch Lovingly!
Love is a feeling from the heart.
Yes, love is the warmth that melts the ego.
Love is the expression, the flowering of your inner Lotus.
In Tantric Love…
You are totally in the NOW
When Lovers are together when they totally dissolve in love, then they don’t think about the past or the future, then there is only NOW.
You are totally OPEN
Lovers can be totally open, without the feeling to have to defend themselves, you don’t feel attacked. Nothing has to change, to be solved, to disappear. Because it’s good the way it is.
There is NO EGO
Ego comes from DUALITY, there is no separation between the I and the other. Between Lovers there is no I and you, they totally merge in each other. The boundaries between you and the other disappear, you are one. So there is no feeling of loneliness of separation. Your “I/EGO” has disappeared and with that all resistance or fight from the ego. In love, duality dissolves and there is a deep feeling of Oneness.
Your mind is SILENT
If you are “deeply in love ”, then your mind is silent. When someone is totally in love, you might say “He lost his mind”. And that’s right because you don’t think anymore.
In tantric love…
You find the Door to the UNIVERSE
Most of the time you fall in love with a form, a person with a body. Gradually, if love lasts and grows deeper, the form is becoming less important. You don’t just see your lover from the outside, but also from within. Form disappears. And eventually also the person disappears and for you, your Lover becomes the door to the deeper, the higher, the Universe.
You find SURRENDER
Love is being totally open and vulnerable. Love and surrender are one. You can’t ask: I want to love. And you can’t ask: I want to surrender. It just happens, it is there. It’s something you cannot do and you cannot stop. You can only investigate what prevents you from letting your love flow, or what stops you from surrendering.
In tantric love…
You enter the CENTER of your BEING
You can feel a glimpse of the center of your being when you are relaxed. If your Lover, the person you longed for, eventually is with you, then you can relax. For a moment time stops, your mind is silent, relaxed, calm. Your Lover is here, there is no longing, no thinking. If there is Love, you can relax completely and you can just be yourself. But you don’t have to go anywhere, you don’t have to do anything, totally relaxed within yourself. Because you are filled with Bliss!
You experience INFINITY
If you can Love, you can relax. If you can relax, your life becomes full of love. Love is not an end in itself, something you can achieve. Love is the end in itself. If you don’t have to achieve anything, why should you call something past or future? Then there is infinity, eternity. In Love, you are just YOU, that is what you really are. LOVE.
In Love, you are just YOU, that what you really are: LOVE !!!
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