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What is a Tantric Relationship
– key elements of a tantric loving relationship
Union into Loving Presence
What is a Tantric Relationship? Tantra is the path of growing in Love and Consciousness. Love being the feminine part of duality, Consciousness being the masculine. Spiritual Union – dissolving of duality, is combining, merging the masculine energy with the feminine one, merging the two into oneness.
Living a conscious life is a real challenge. Tantric partners are committed to encourage and help each other with that. Sometimes (most of the time) we forget to be aware. We go on the automated pilot and live a big chunk of our life unconsciously. Tantric partners tend to give you lot’s of wake up calls.
The same is true for living with an open heart. The ego is going for gratification, so we all forget about love and compassion. Tantric partners support each other. By again and again putting the focus on love. Look Lovingly, act lovingly, even think lovingly. Giving and receiving instead of getting and taking. Accepting and embracing all there is in love.
A tantric relationship is a spiritual relationship. It’s a connection between two people but not only on body and mind plane but also a heart and soul connection. The ultimate purpose is to help your partner, both of you to achieve enlightenment and spiritual attainment. This goal, however, is not so relevant (to us), because (we believe) tantra is all about the journey. Growing in love and consciousness resulting in happiness. So the real goal is just to be happy – endlessly happy together – in the here and now.
Experience the great moments when time and space disappear…
Sharing thoughts – feelings – energy – love – consciousness
A tantric relationship is a merging. It’s a sharing of thoughts – feelings – energy – love – consciousness. It’s a kind of openness that is unlimited. And to be open, truthful, fearless, authentic, loving, awake isn’t easy. It’s a very vulnerable process. It takes a lot of trust and perseverance. The good news is that the reward is enormous. Tantra is a great way to deepen your relationship, the connection with yourself and with your partner. It results in deep intimacy and moments of tremendous happiness (bliss, ecstasy).
Support for the journey
Being together on this journey has the advantage of mutual support. When one partner is unconscious of what’s going on, the other partner can jump in and support. There’s nothing to fix, no need to change anything, in the least your partner. But the possibility to let your partner look in the mirror is a big help.
Everyone has immense intrinsic potential,
realizable through the experience of tantric practices
More than Tantric sex
Most tantric partners have left the rat race of normal/economic life. They may be still playing the money game but are not so much slave anymore of their jobs, family, peers, expectations, and rules. They have learned that slowing down and being relaxed in what is, is very rewarding. Being happy is more important than being rich. Being together is more important than trying to leave your mark in history. This is also reflected in lovemaking. Of course, tantric partners can also have sex but most of the time sex is replaced with lovemaking.
A slower, intimate, bodily, conscious, loving, energetic encounter. Intimacy, sexuality, and love merge in a deep connection of body-mind-soul. Lovemaking isn’t a fight or a race to climax, no, it’s honoring the divine in your spouse. And there’s no start, no end to that. Yes, maybe there’s hot sexual energy, passion, wildness, but it leads nowhere other than deep togetherness. Simple motionless eye contact can be even more ecstatic as physically penetrating and a lot of thrusting.
Peeling the Union – healing
When we are born we are more or less whole and unlimited. We have no conception of separation. We still love unconditional because all is one. But soon we learn that the world is different, very conditional indeed. We learn that our parents/caretakers are pleased with “this” and not so amused with “that”. For a child, it’s impossible to judge the parent(s), so we create negative beliefs about ourselves. It’s our doing, our fault. Since we are dependent on them we learn to behave (and improve/change). We get hurt, we get smart and our ego creates behavioral patterns. We learn values, rules, and ways to belong. Gradually our natural state of being is forgotten.
Looking in the mirror
Tantric relationships are all about peeling off the (ego)layers of defense, healing the wounds of the past. First, you attract a partner who triggers your patterns the most (he/she looks like daddy or mom). Then you come to realize that your partner is the greatest mirror you can have to see your conditioning, your wounds and all. Tantric partners tend to be able to trigger and/or embrace your deepest pain. First, you become aware of it, then you learn to love and accept it and then you can heal, letting go what you no longer need.
Revealing your full potential
Everyone has intrinsic potential, realizable through the experience of tantric practices. We are limited by our upbringing, by cultural teaching, by our conditioning. Tantra makes no distinction. You have so many potentials. “Male” qualities, “Female” qualities. Forget about the labels, count your blessings. All are available for you because it’s already there. Waiting for you to find it. Your partner can only mirror you what’s already there… in you!
a Way of Living
Tantric partners tend to have chosen a tantric lifestyle. In relationships, it’s all about the match and the potential lessons that can be learned. So if you want to get rich, consume, going for the material stuff, don’t get involved with a tantric. If you want to live a good happy life, full of intimacy, connection and exciting (challenging) encounters, go for a tantric partner.
Playing the energy game
– enjoying polarity
We believe (hope) that the day of dependency relations is almost over (?). The macho is out, the kitchen-slave is no more. Also, partners who live totally independent of each other, miss the best part of life. Fatal attraction, a spicy attraction is caused by the polarity between the male and female energies. Whether in hetero or home relationships, it works the same. Tantric partners know this and use it to their advantage. Nothing more delicious than a polarized meeting with your partner.
All Tantric practices hold a common theme:
bringing your awareness into the present moment,
into your body, into the energy that exists here and now and being with it.
Enjoying the sensing
Tantra is a spiritual, but a very earthly, bodily path. Tantra is all for pleasure, so consciously using your senses is promoted. Enjoying the good life is totally okay, why not. But direct sensing is a bit different than routine, filtered sensing. The mind always says: “been there, seen it, done it” and then it blocks the experience. Tantric relationships stay fresh because you assume nothing. That’s what direct sensing is all about. For instance, when you look at your partner, you look as if you see this person for the first time. You look, smell, feel, hear, taste fresh, again and again.
Tantric practices – lovers meditations
Tantric relationships are full of tantric practices. It’s all around. Just notice the way they live. The house is somehow harmonious, spiritual, atmospheric. In Tantra you create a divine space, a tantric temple to live, do meditations together. See also the article tantra basics. In tantra everything is divine! So tantric practice can emerge everywhere! Creativity is limitless. From eye gazing to tantric sex. However, from ancient times there are also specific meditations available. See the article on lovers meditations on this.
Tantra mythology suggests that union is achieved by merging our male and female principles – pure consciousness and pure energy. Love energy is represented by the female divine power, known as Shakti. Consciousness is represented by the male divine power known as Shiva. The marriage of Shiva and Shakti is considered to be the Divine Union, a fundamental concept of Tantra.
Lovemaking is the ultimate (earthly/human) way for a tantric union. This is why sex is always associated with Tantra. Well, we are human, we are built for it (hetero) and energetically the physical doesn’t even matter. Think of the union as in a circle… If you create a circle between the male and feminine there no way to separate again. There’s no start, no finish, only togetherness.
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