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Understand and accept differences in your relationship
Men and women are different
Women come from Venus, men from Mars. Just because we’re different, (communication) issues arise. Because we observe everything from our male or female (energy) perspective sometimes it seems that your partner has gone totally mad. Of course in the early stages of being in love, we don’t see the differences so clearly. However sooner or later the differences – in terms of irritation points – become more apparent. The tendency (your conditioning) then is to judge and condemn. The tendency is also strong to try to reshape your partner to your ideal partner image. But it doesn’t work that way! You can’t change your partner! You can only change the way you deal with the situation.
Understand how your conditioning works
Things just are, until you make something out of it. Life is the way it is. The world is the way it is.. Your partner is the way he/she is. This is so, until the moment you make something out of it. Be aware that in that process of creation your judgment and prejudice slips in. You’re not blank, you’re also turned into what you are now. You have your own set of definitions of pleasure and pain. Not everything of the other, of the world, resonates. Tastes differ and that’s totally fine. Fortunately, because everybody is unique. Everybody is unique and perfect the way he/she is. In every shape there are differences. The way you handle that is your doing.
Wanting to change the other is pointless, meaningless!
Men – in their Earthly shape – are inevitably different from women. Centuries of cultural conditioning have shaped men and women. Years of upbringing made a deep imprint of these conditionings. The magnitude of this is beyond imagination. So many programmed rules in the mind. So many interconnections. Usually, we are only able to understand the overall patterns. Human conditioning is not something you change overnight and certainly not by you!
Conditioning is very persistent
Cultural differences and personal conditioning are very persistent, misunderstanding and judgments lurk. Not only the mind is heavily programmed, also the body has many embodied rules. Thinking processes, body posture and –movement, your response, and energy system are mostly all ruled by (learned) patterns, autonomous nerve(systems) and instincts. Trying to change yourself (by growing in love and consciousness) is already difficult enough, trying to change a system you hardly know is almost impossible. So stop trying to change your partner, it’s no use. Better you:
Empower your partner
by accepting him/her the way he/she is
Stop judging: accept the other, accept the situation
Tantra says, don’t judge. Accept everything as it is. Accept your partner/friend as he/she is. Well, if it would be that easy … If you are in your heart then it’s (more) easy, if you’re in your head than it’s so (much more) difficult. The path of intimacy, therefore, is a growth path: from your head (mind), into your body, to your heart, Loving Presence…. Back to the heart of the matter, back to the source. That what you are, that what connects us all: Loving Presence.
Learn from what you see
Your partner is the greatest mirror you can have
Be thankful for the mirror. What you value in yourself you will see as beautiful (= match) in your partner. What you reject in yourself, you condemn in your partner (and in life). Where your dark sides and injuries are, you will be triggered and painfully hit. Your partner is your ultimate mirror to know yourself. Did you ever thank him/her for that? Well, thank him/her once you’re triggered again.
See your (partners) revealed side (present and visible qualities)
>> Enjoy the match
Learn from what you like in your spouse. The feeling of intimacy is created by the “match”. So the qualities you see, match with yours. Probably the qualities in you that you appreciate and cherish. And why not, it’s okay. Become very conscious about it. Extend your capabilities and look for more.
See your hidden potential (suppressed areas / dark side)
>> For example – suppressed feelings
Men usually have trouble dealing with the emotional outbreaks of women. Well, that may be so, but it’s a great opportunity to reconnect with their own feelings and emotions (second chakra). Learn through it, grow by it. Start feeling again. And men (tip): thank her! Stay undisturbed in this kind of situations and tap into the feeling, be sensitive to the emotions of your partner. Stay present, hold her… Empower her with your power of love (Shiva-power).
>> Or how about confidence
Women often experience the confidence (arrogance) and (oversimplified) clarity of men. Well women, thank him again and again for that trigger. His example gives you the opportunity to reconnect with your basic confidence and self-esteem (1st chakra). So women, put things into perspective and get more into your own loving strength/power. Live your full potential!
Male and female qualities complement each other. Learn from your partner what qualities in you may come to flourish. Cherish the qualities that you already have and complement them with those already potentially present in you. This way your partner (or the men/women around you) can help you to become an even more complete human being.
Accept the complement
In short, accept the differences. Accept your partner just the way you want to be accepted, i.e. exactly as you are !! With everything that goes with it: pluses and minuses. See what it’s potential is! Duality is shaped in the male and female principle. See what can join again into one. See the possibilities, see the complement!
Learn from women / accept your female qualities
Females usually embody more of the female qualities like feeling, sensuality, love, compassion, intuition, wisdom. So learn from them. Accept your female qualities (anchored in your 2-4-6th chakra).
>>The gift of feeling
Men: you also may/can feel (2 Th chakra). Being happy, angry, sad, sensual, disturbed, emotional. Be glad that your partner (women) show you how it’s done. Be happy that she is the personification of love (4th chakra). Wow! Be happy with the depth of her love and her inimitable intuition and wisdom (6th chakra).
Learn from men / accept your male qualities (1-3-5 chakra)
>> The gift of confidence and focus
Women: you too can be decisive and focused. Secure (1st), confident (3rd), well-spoken (5th). Be happy that your partner (men) shows you how that works. Be happy with his sexual energy (1st), perseverance (drive 3rd), and logical thinking and (creative) power (5th).
Heal your wounds
Your partner, best friends, they are great mirrors, but sometimes they hit you in your deepest pains. We all accumulate minor or major injuries in our lives. Pain, trauma is there to be healed and love is the perfect surgeon. Love for your partner, but also love for yourself. For whom this is applicable (and to whom not) we recommend the course theme “Living from an open Heart.” All about love …
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