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The basics of tantric massage

‘The basics of tantra massage’ is part of a series of 4 articles on tantra massage:

  1. What is tantric massage: a detailed explanation of tantric massage.
  2. The basics of tantric massage: an explanation of the more practical aspect (this article).
  3. 10 important tantra massage tips: 10 important massage insights/rules to know.
  4. Tantra massage techniques: an explanation of tantra massage techniques.

What is tantric massage ?

Loving touch full of attention and presence

A tantric massage is a loving touch full of attention and presence, without a standard form and predetermined result. Tantra massage is given from the heart. In a tantric massage, the whole body participates and erogenous zones can also be touched. Of course, always with respect for (mutual) boundaries. Tantra massage is an energetic massage in which sexual energy also gets attention. A tantra massage takes place on the basis of equality and establishes an intimate connection between massage giver and receiver. Mentally, physically, at heart level and sometimes even at the depths of heart and soul. The purpose of a tantric massage is to “bring” the receiver in (the direction of) a natural, ecstatic state of being. The effect is often a wonderful physical, mental well-being. Usually, the receiver is very relaxed, wonderfully flowing and ending up well in the heart, and in higher spheres.

See the article What is tantric massage for a detailed explanation of tantric massage.

Be ready

e-Course Intimacy starts with YOU!No matter how obvious it may seem, we first want to make it very clear how important it is that you can give a tantric massage from your heart. And that you are familiar with intimacy. That you must be able to be intimate with yourself before you can give or receive an intimate, tantric massage.

Living with an open heartSo if you or your partner feel any hesitation about love or intimacy, then we definitely recommend doing first one or both of the following courses: “Intimacy starts with you” and/or “Living from an Open Heart”


The basics of tantric massage – before

Harmonious environment

You can give a tantra massage anywhere, but a safe, quiet, harmonious environment is still pleasant. If the neighbors are just renovating or have a party, that does not help with a pleasant massage. Even in a room where it seems like a bomb has just exploded, it is not nice to massage.

Create a massage temple

A tantra temple, a space created with loving attention, is absolutely necessary. With of course a warm massage place and lots of big cloths and delicious warm oil (for when you massage nude).

Massage table/mattress?

You can massage on a mattress or futon on the floor, or you can do the massage on a massage table. We want to discourage massaging in bed. The bedroom triggers all kinds of mental and physical ingrained routines. For example, you will fall asleep much easier. The (unwanted) step to sex is also getting bigger.

Nude – with oil or with clothes on?

Massaging with warm oil is wonderful, of course then (partly) being naked is rather convenient. It is possible that the giver is also partly or entirely naked, but that is not really necessary. Make clear agreements before you start. If you massage with oil, make sure the oil is nice and warm. Use a neutral natural oil or whatever you prefer. Note any allergies.

The basics of tantric massage – before

Our point of view is, that a tantra massage is something other than the so-called ‘Awakening of the Senses’ massage, a form of massage where the senses are stimulated with all kinds of tools such as cloths, feathers, bubbles, odors, and flavors. But well, feel free to do as you like, of course. The senses can, however, participate without all those tools. The body itself has enough sensual sources of inspiration. But if you do you use tools, then be sure to have what you want to use within reach.

Make sure you are not disturbed

Make sure you have the time and won’t be disturbed for at least one and a half hours and also make sure that you do not disturb others (!). Some rooms have awfully thin walls …

Create favorable conditions

Before, we explained the physical environment. The mental environment is also important. You can massage anywhere and -as said- we recommend a massage temple. You can always massage and yet we advise you only do it if you feel comfortable with the other person. When you have a fight or there are serious issues between you, then solve them first. Find some other tantra ways, that are helpful to restore the intimacy between you. E.g. read this article on (more) intimacy in your relationships.

Know your wishes and desires

If you (together) arrange a tantra massage, then you probably have an intention with that. You may be curious. Maybe you want to investigate your sexuality or your orgasmic ability. Or you may just want a wonderful massage. Of course, it’s okay if you have wishes and desires, fine. However, realize that it can be very different.

Nó erotic massage

According to us, everything is okay. But know: a tantra massage is not an erotic massage. Tantra massage is much more than sexual satisfaction. If you just like a “happy end”, a massage focused on orgasm,  then go to an erotic masseur.

Nó healing

Also a warning regarding HEALING. A tantra massage is nót a healing! Tantra massage may have healing effects, but that is not the goal. If you have serious (sexual) issues then go to a therapist. Tantra massage is not intended to solve vaginism or other (sexual) trauma.

Also nó Yoni healing

So, tantric massage is not the same as Yoni healing! It is indeed very ‘cool’ to go for a Yoni healing, but that’s not the way it works. The road to a natural, ecstatic body is long. And sure, massaging the Yoni (vagina) or Lingam (penis) can certainly be an important part of the massage. Loving touch heals! But ‘just’ doing a Yoni healing, as if healing is for sale, no, that has nothing to do with Tantra massage.

The basics of tantric massage – before

The article What is tantric massage is, among others, about making clear agreements. What do you want and what surely nót? What are the important limits for you? Which limits should not be exceeded? Which do you want to investigate? What are your desires? Make sure your mental and physical boundaries both are clear. This as well for the receiver as the giver.

No sex

For us, sex is no part of a tantric massage. However, the definition of sex is vague. As far as we are concerned, sex is:

  • Sexual intercourse.
  • Oral satisfaction.
  • Actions aimed at orgasm just for sexual satisfaction.
  • The use of vibrators and other sex toys.

Enjoy the foreplay

Well, as much in life, anticipation is often a big part of the experience. Is it your first massage? Well, enjoy the positive tension. Look forward to it, but take care not to fill in too much or create high expectations. Do you massage with your own partner? Then, also make a party out of the preparations!

The basics of tantric massage – start & during

No tantric massage is the same. Yet there are a number of things you have to be aware of.

Always start with meeting each other

Always start with a Namasté or another way to “see” each other.

(Heart) Connection is essential

  • Start, stay, always end attuned.
  • Always keep your attention on the massage.
  • Make sure your massage is demand free, do not force anything on the other.
  • Enjoyment is allowed. Within the agreed limits, “everything” is possible. There are no taboos.

Always demand free

Some masseurs are mainly concerned with what they themselves want, need, find pleasant or desirable. Well, a tantra massage isn’t about work, so as a giver you also can enjoy yourself, but the essence is that you are there for the receiver. So forget your own “needs”, stay away from your own issues and above all … try not to force anything. Nothing has to be done, nothing is necessary! Do not force anything, try not to enforce anything on the receiver. Again, try not to force anything, including your own goals/body/sexuality! Tune in to what the receiver needs. It is as it is and it runs as it goes. Trust love. Perhaps you are disappointed when the receiver falls asleep. You may not be waiting for an emotional cry, but a tantric massage has no purpose, no goal. No intended result. It is what it is. Accept that.

Sexual energy is totally okay

Most forms of massage walk around sexuality in a wide berth. Except for the real erotic massage, we know no other types of massage where the erogenous zones are an integral part of the massage. In tantric massage everything participate. Everything, every part of the body, is touched without taboo. Again, only respectfully and within the agreed limits, but without denial or suppression. Sexual energy may also participate. Sexual excitement is a natural thing for the body and does not have to be suppressed. The sexual énergy may always be 100%. The external (discharging) form that (released) energy may get depends on what is agreed on and which is appropriate in the situation.

The basics of tantric massage – during

Acting is always limited

The way of acting is always limited to what is appropriate and agreed on in advance. We also recommend NOT changing the rules dúring the massage. According to us, sex (oral/sexual intercourse) is no part of a tantric massage. Make clear agreements in advance about what is and what is not allowed, for example, body to body massage; massage/contact with the breasts or sex (of the receiver and of the giver).

Body to body massage

Nude or not, in tantra massage, massage is not limited to the hands alone. In principle, you can/should massage (with) the whole body. If you don’t want this, make prior agreements.

Excitement: getting an erection/getting wet is allowed

The external (discharge) form that (released) energy may get depends on what is agreed and appropriate. The fact is, however, that a healthy body simply reacts to sexual energy. The giver can also become sexually aroused. In our opinion, ‘no sex’ (not even oral) is an important safety item which allows the receiver to relax and surrender. How the body to body massage goes when there is arousal, … make (additional) agreements about that (in advance).

Activate (sexual) energy and spread it throughout the body

Activating and freeing the flow of life energy (prana) is the main part of tantra massage. Tantra massage is an energetic massage in which the sexual energy also participates. In tantra massage we play with the activation of basic/sexual/emotional/passionate/love/creation/intuitive energy. Start by opening and activating the heart. Then you activate the sexual energy in various ways, see the tantra massage techniques. You then spread released energy throughout the body. First to the heart, then through the whole body.

Use the SoE tools

Play with your state of excitementSexual excitement can quickly rise high. After the ‘Point of No Return’, it’s impossible to stop the local sex orgasm.

To prevent you from having a local orgasm (which is okay in itself) during the massage, we use the SoE tools. SoE stands for: State of Excitement. The SoE tools are about using your awareness, moving (more or less), breathing(faster or slower), where the focus is on (sex/heart), attracting of your PC muscle(s) and the direction (up/down) in which the energy flows.

train your PC muscleThese SoE tools are extensively explained (wíth exercises) in our courses What is tantric sex and How do I become multi-orgasmic?  So you might try (some parts of one or both of) these courses.



Tantra explained - tantric sex explained

The basics of tantric massage – during

Pain spots may be touched

No tantra massage is the same. Sometimes it is very nice, sometimes there is a lot of excitement and ecstatic pleasure. Sometimes it is not that nice. If energy is activated, if blockages are cleared, if energy starts to flow, painful spots, old (sexual) trauma can be triggered. This is completely fine and potentially healing. It is important, however, that the old pain is now experienced very consciously and with love. Cherish the receiver. And invite the receiver to cherish him/herself and to embrace the pain with love. Love heals and in this way, things can be accepted and released bit by bit. See the 10 important tantra massage tips. See also about below freezing and integration moments.

Be alert to renewed freezing moments

Where it often goes “wrong” in tantra massage is when freezing moments arise during the massage. Traumas are triggered and relived without the necessary self-love and awareness to adequately deal with them NOW. What often happens is that the receiver (again) freezes (no longer reacts) and the giver is not sufficiently attuned (present) to notice this.

Prevent limits from being exceeded again

The activation then usually goes too far/too long, which means that the (same) boundaries are being exceeded again. Both giver and receiver must be very aware of this. Once again, it emphasizes the necessity of communication/agreements/boundaries in advance, but also of sufficient feedback and integration moments during the massage.

Provide integration moments

Our body and mind have to get used to (the effects of) tantra massage. We are not used to being so open and vulnerable. It is good not to want everything at once and so it is good to incorporate integration moments (moments of rest) during the massage. Our body has to get used to the much higher energetic charge. Especially when a lot of emotion/pain comes up, you have to take it easy. It can become too much. So take it easy, build it up (in several sessions) and do not force anything. Not doing anything is sometimes wonderful and gives the receiver time to balance and relax.

Enjoy it

All senses can participate. Usually, however, it helps if the receiver doesn’t watch. Looking and thinking are strongly connected, watching activates the thought process. If the recipient has his/her eyes closed, s/he can surrender to feeling/hearing/smelling/tasting and all other body sensations. The giver can also enjoy. There is admittedly an active and a passive side of the massage, but a tantra massage is never “hard work”.

Tantra massage is surrender

Releasing control and surrender is important for the recipient. Doing too much is not desirable, but “lying as for dead” as a massage object is not the intention either. Enjoy! Dare to enjoy everything that can be discovered in your body. Surrender to the (hands of the) giver. Let your hearts connect. Stay conscious and present … That way you cannot get lost in the massage, so that you are no longer there, it isn’t the intention to just fall asleep. This is of course allowed, but only if the body has a great need for it. However, realize: nobody is unwilling, unconscious, or spaced out during a tantra massage. It is also the task of the giver to pay attention to this.

The basics of tantric massage – the afterglow

Tantra massage tips for after the massage

  • Take enough time to process/let the massage settle
  • Take time to exchange your experiences.
  • Enjoy also áfter the massage, feel the afterglow.
  • Realize that the effects of a tantric massage can continue for days. Take care of yourself

Enjoying after

Enough is enough. There is no specific time for a tantra massage, but as a giver, you feel like when it is enough. Then stop all movements. Make contact with the heart (probably at the front) and keep your hand still. Let the receiver lie completely self-contained for a while. Make sure s/he is nice and warm. It is nice to cover the receiver with a cloth. A wonderful cocoon feeling.


It may be that the receiver does not feel like talking. Do not force anything, drink a cup of tea or water together and take your time. Sooner or later it is time. Let the receiver tell his/her story. Ask what was nice, which was less nice. It is important to take time to check the agreed appointments. Was it okay? Should something be said?


After a massage it’s nice to have a shower and fresh up. Take time for that too. Don’t let yourself be rushed. Just ask for the time, within the agreed time limits of course.


The best thing is if you do not have to work immediately after a tantric massage. That way you have time to enjoy. Take it easy. Find a quiet place. To be with yourself or with your own partner… Well, maybe you have a long time to stay together.

The days after

A tantra massage can last a long time. Be alert to any after-effects. You can be super happy, energetic or even a little orgasmic for days. It may also be that you are a bit unbalanced, emotional or even not really happy. Trust that everything that is there has its function in your process. Relax, cherish yourself if it is not so nice. Enjoy for a long time if it is nice.

The basics of tantric massage – Read more

‘The basics of tantra massage’ is part of a series of 4 articles on tantra massage:

  1. What is tantric massage: a detailed explanation of tantric massage.
  2. The basics of tantric massage: an explanation of the more practical aspect. (this article).
  3. 10 important tantra massage tips: 10 important massage insights/rules to know.
  4. Tantra massage techniques: an explanation of tantra massage techniques.

Our support

Giving ánd receiving a tantric massage is a very intimate experience. Sometimes intimacy and sexuality get mixed up. So it is of major importance that you understand more about intimacy. With yourself, and with a partner. So explore your own level of intimacy before sharing this with someone else.

Next article on massage: 10 important tantra massage tips

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The basics of tantric massage
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Hi, my name is Solana. Tantra is important for me, because it makes my life so beautiful. I learned to live my life with an open heart. Sharing love make the world a better place ❤ I enjoy life! Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. Satori and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now we share our love ánd wisdom in our online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See or .nl

One thought on “The basics of tantric massage

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    3 July 2018 at 13:11

    Again – so happy I found this website. Reading it again and again, it broadens horizon on tantra massage and it’s real scope.


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