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Tantric sex is lovemaking with love and with consciousness. In tantra sex, you make a deep energetic connection with your partner. It is a special meeting, a journey of discovery in which sex and heart can participate altogether. All of the orgasmic potentials are activated. Uninhibited, cheerful, passionate playing with sexual energy and with each other. Wonderful long (hours) ecstatic togetherness. Transcend your lust and your ego-self: moving from lust to love to devotion. Two bodies that merge into one, that is tantra sex.
Tantra and sex are not synonymous
And still this sex image?
Tantra sex has a magical appeal. Ask people on the street what tantra is and 9 out of 10 will link tantra with sex. Why … no idea. Of course, tantra is “abused” for sexual services (massage), but that doesn’t explain the sex image. And of course, there are tantra practitioners who focus on sex in their approach, but that also doesn’t explain the widespread sex image.
Because of sexual energy?
Maybe it’s as simple as that when people hear “sexual energy”, they automatically link it with “sex”. One element of tantra is lifted out and magnified.
How to practice tantra
– The essence of Tantra
Still the mind (no-mind)
At Online Tantra we use the slogan: “Out of your head (mind), into your body, to your heart, being present”. Tantra has to do with the search for your true nature. With expanding your consciousness and thus becoming free from the bondage of your mind (ego). You are not what you own, you are not what you think. Tantra says: release the attachment with (“your” patterns of) the past and future, let go of all judgments, free yourself from (the disappointment of) expectations and desires. Free yourself from the false identification with that which you are not.
Feel your body
Tantra invites you to breathe and FEEL. Using your senses – directly – to discover the world. Living that way makes you lose and natural again. By opening and sharpening your senses you can feel more and more that you are part of nature, that you are part of a larger whole. If you focus your senses to the inside, if you focus on your body, you can also become aware of the beauty of your body(parts), you can feel (the power of) your life energy. Sexual energy (tantric energy around your pelvic area) makes an important contribution to your zest for life.
Live from your heart
And if you link your senses to your heart, then your experience, your joy will become even greater. You learn to experience that separation is an illusion. Connection with yourself, connection with others. Connection with the universe. The more total you become, the deeper the connection: Here and now you are in BLISS. The tendency to accomplish something, to ask something, to do something disappears. In tantric love, all this is replaced with Be-ing.
And then also the identification with that feeling disappears. Only consciousness remains. In connection with yourself, with others and with life. You are present in every situation. You are present in the NOW.
What is tantra sex
Tantra sex is lovemaking with love and awareness. The difference between human and animals is consciousness. So make love very conscious. Know what your doing, know, feel what is happening. Body-awareness is very important in tantric sex. Tantric Love is adding a deep energetic connection between tantric partners. That starts with self-love and extends to loving your partner unconditionally. With tantric love everything is possible.
Journey of discovery
It’s a journey of discovery. You can live your dreams, go wild, be still, fuck like a rabbit, merge into oneness, everything. Without love sex eventually becomes a routine, a mechanical happening. So tantric sex is an extension, not a substitution. Tantric sex is lovemaking from the heart including “normal” sex. A wonderful long-lasting play with sexual energy. The key direction, however, is to more and more transcend lust and the ego-self. Move from lust to love. Move from love to devotion. Enjoying a deep togetherness, this timeless space.
The influence of Tantra on your sex life
And yes, tantra has a major impact on your life, including your sex life. But that’s nothing special. Tantra changes your overall outlook on life. Your perception/beliefs on goals, property, work, boundary, relationships, morality, sense of purpose; everything changes. Tantra accepts everyone as he/she is. So if you lead a tantric life, you also accept yourself completely.
Fear, guilt or shame are no longer “necessary”
Of course, it is allowed, it is also very human, but in fact, they are illusions. Be who you are, that is the reality, not as you should be according to others or to the image (fixed conditioning) you (therefore) created to “protect” yourself. If you can cope with life’s uncertainty, if you stop your desperate search for love and recognition, you live a very different life. And that is also true for your sex life. Don’t be ashamed of the way you are (with all your pro’s and con’s). There is nothing to suppress anymore and/or no need to indulge yourself either. Just be/do as you are – that’s Buddha’s middle path.
You will enjoy longer lovemaking
Tantra makes you more relaxed, more energetic. The journey is more important than the goal. So if you drop the goal of orgasm in your sex life there is space for relaxation. Time to meet each other in this sparkling sexy energy. Your lovemaking will become one long foreplay. Starting with the preparation. Taking a shower or bath, dressing nicely, making the room beautiful. You can kiss endlessly, caressing your partner, even giving him/her a wonderful massage.
Sexual arousal is great to be aware of. Looking each other in the eye while being totally lustful, how cool is that? Playing with your State of Excitement, regulating arousal (premature ejaculation), lasting longer. With sexual mastery even multiple orgasms (and body-orgasms) are possible. You can live your dreams, you can have sex as you like. Finally, you are in “control” to do what you always wanted and last longer. Long lasting lovemaking with the man/women you love so much.
Possibility of creating energy circles
Sex is so exciting because of the polarity between male and female energy. It is the polarity that creates the sexual spark in the air and the body. If your (dormant) sexual (kundalini) energy is awakened, you can play with it. You can bring it up and down in your own body but you can also “send” it to your sex-partner (and back as in a swing). If the energy stays “down” it stays hot and sexual. It can however also evolve into an energetic circle where the heart comes into play. Energetically man and woman than merge together. The male and the feminine energies merge together. Together you are one again. Check out the LoveSwing or the Circle of Love for more information on this.
Going from sex to superconsciousness
Tantric sex never stops. Tantric sex is a love affair. The more you can be yourself, the more you can love the other unconditionally. Nowhere your lifestream, your Life Force is curtailed. Your ability to love is unlimited, infinite (because we are love). Who understands what lovemaking is can also love life. Then the energetic circle is complete. Connected with yourself, connected with others, connected with existence. At any time you can penetrate life with your presence. At any time life can enter you because you are completely open and receptive. Your circle with Life has begun.
Disappearing beyond the body, mind, and soul
Your mind is getting calmer, more in harmony with the purpose/desires of your soul. Your insight on life will sharpen, your presence will grow. The scope of your awareness is widening … Your mind is more and more contact with the ocean of consciousness in and around you.
Your body becomes more energetic. Not only will there be more and more energy in your body, but the frequency at which it vibrates increases. Your body more and more tunes in with that ocean of love in and around you. We call this phenomenon synchronicity and feeling the Bliss frequency. It is the growing influence of your heart on your entire system.
Your heart is the seat of the soul and the voice of your soul shows itself that way. You are not what you think, you are not what you feel. You are so much more. On the way from sex to superconsciousness, you lose everything you think you are. Who are you? It’s hard to say.
You just are …
One in all, all in one.
The ocean of love and consciousness.
Sex vs. tantric sex
Beyond primal instinct
How we distinguish ourselves from animals is consciousness. The distinction between ordinary sex and tantric sex is love and consciousness. Tantra does not deny the animal in us. Tantra doesn’t condemn primal instincts. Desire, lust, it’s all fine … but there is so much more! Living as a beast is not so fulfilling. It’s the same with pleasure/enjoyment. Sooner or later “that pleasurable feeling” turns over and then inevitable you feel bad.
The chase of filling your life only with moments of pleasure is doomed to failure! Then you wonder… is this all there is? Hopefully, sooner or later, the penny drops. Of course, there is nothing wrong with enjoying, but what really matters is the inner joy. That bliss which is not found on the outside, but inside only. In you! Be who you are! If you can, then you constantly live in Bliss. Then you’ve transcended pain and joyful. If only for a moment …
Transformation of lust to love
Yeah right, and how does that apply to sex? Well, tantric sex is an energy game. It involves the transformation of lust to love. Being less in your head (mind) and more in your heart. Tantric sex is not focused on doing, intercourse and/or discharge. It is not a “workout” which is directed to orgasm. The raw energy of sex is transformed into a more subtle, more harmonious vibration. Sex actually is an act you do alone. Some even in their heads only. Tantric sex is lovemaking and thus more a get-together, a fusion of two bodies, two hearts into one. And even that suggests a goal, but tantric sex is utterly purposeless. There is nothing to work towards, being together is enough. From that being together, arises energy flow, is synchronicity created, arise movements, actions.
There’s no fight, it’s not about having and getting, but rather a great energy game in which you can give what you have to offer from your heart (unconditional). You don’t need to perform (its demand free) and because of that can you completely relaxed. Being together also creates an energy circle of giving and receiving in which everyone is becoming more vibrant/energetic. Tantric sex is about charging life energy instead of climax and discharge (your semen and then fall asleep). Well, yes, sometimes even tantric sex can be very horny, hot and fervid. And why not, in tantra everything is allowed, so that too! Whatever there is, it’s always new, it’s always completely into the moment. Tantric sex is never boring, but something to go totally into, in full surrender.
Preparing for tantra sex
Enjoy the prospect
Once you start with tantra you probably slow down a little bit and change your perspective on life and sex. Sex is no longer something you do quickly and in the dark. Sex is a means to have quality time together. It can be spontaneous but also planned. We say also plan it like a vacation. Enjoy the preparation, enjoy the thought of having wonderful sex.
Make a temple
Pick a time and a place and prepare. You could turn your living room into a heavenly place. Dim the lights, work with candles. Put some flowers in the room and maybe also a nice scent. Select slow and romantic music to play (or what you prefer). You could make a temple from matrasses and cloths. Some folks even have a special tantra room in the house. But whatever your possibilities, make an effort to spend quality time with your beloved. Make your sex a very special event.
Meet the divine
Having sex can be like a sneeze, could be over in 5 minutes. Unconscious sex can even be with a stranger, totally focused on orgasm instead of connecting. Tantric sex is different. It’s about connecting with your partner. Connecting on the deepest level possible. So prepare yourself for that. You are going to look into the eyes of a God(des). Tantric sex will turn you into divine creatures.
Show your best
By this, we don’t mean that you have to change who you are. You’re ok, just as you are. It’s nice however if you show your best. Prepare for tantric lovemaking. Take a shower or a bath, dress up nicely. Take some time on your own to prepare. Connect with your heart, anticipate for a meeting in sparkling sexy tantric energy. Relax your mind, relax your body.
How to start with tantric sex? Because of the association with sex, a lot of couples become also interested in tantric sex. They ask us what to do. They seek a path to walk on. We cannot predict what fits you best. Actually, there is no general path to walk on. What we can do however is give you some insights into our own path.
- Enjoy life – follow your longing.
- Make a journey of discovery. Live your dreams.
- Activate your (body)-awareness. Body-awareness is important in tantra sex.
- Forget the end – focus on (endless) foreplay.
- Start simple (slow down, relax, breathe, look lovingly).
5 tantric sex techniques – tantra practices
There are a lot of techniques that we can discuss. All the tantra techniques are available to incorporate into tantric sex. So we have to choose. The most important techniques are briefly described below
1. Breathing – Eye Gazing
Most people have their eyes closed during sex. We promote the contrary! Of course, if you feel uncomfortable with it, please close them at any time. However, try to keep them open, be fully present instead of drifting away (in a dream). Breathe consciously and feel your body, feel your body sensations. You can also breathe in sync. Either simultaneously in- and out. Or a synchronized breathe where you breathe in when your partner breathes out. Breath like this a couple of minutes. You then can look each other into the (left) eye.
2. Playing with the energy swing
Playing with your energy is an important technique in tantra and in lovemaking. You can make a connection with energy. You can first move you own energy gently up and down through your body. Once you “master” this, you can play some further by bringing your energy out to your partner. You can reach, touch and penetrate with sexual energy (from below) or with love energy from the heart. That way you can swing from sex to sex and from heart to heart.
3. Slowing down and relax
Key to tantra sex is that you move from hot sex to “cool” lovemaking. The idea is that if you are fully energized AND totally relaxed, you enter a very blissful state of being. This is (certainly in the beginning) only possible if you stop DO-ing. If you stop pursuing the goal of having a fuck and cumshot. Doing less is more. Slow down in everything you do. And relax, focus on relaxation. Put your awareness on the tension that is in your body, and then relax. You can’t really do it, but nevertheless, you can let it happen.
4. Playing with arousal and orgasm
Your State of Excitement (SoE) varies from zero to ten. Around 9.5 you meet the point of no return after which you get this uncontrollable urge to orgasm. Tantric sex is playing with your State of Excitement, your SoE. You in a car you can accelerate and slow down. You can slow down and relax your breathing. Doing less (friction) will also lower your arousal eventually. Play with this. A third way is to bring your energy up to your heart (see also the energy swing above). Try it and try to stay below the point of no return. Cool of and start over! An endless game (if you have the time). Full disclosure of all the SeO-tools and how to use them you’ll find in the e-Course How to become multi-orgasmic.
5. Merging together
Let me describe one of the ways you can merge with your tantric partner. Look at it like this: Sit in Yab Yum position (the woman sits on the man’s lap), chakra’s aligned. Sit for a while, synchronize you breathing (contrary). Then perform the energy swing in your first chakra. Breathe in- and out there for a couple of minutes. Then go to the second chakra. The third, etc. all the way up. We call this meditation Journey to Heaven. It will merge you both sorts of like a zipper connects the two sides, but then on a deeper energetic level. Interested? You can find a 40 minute guided (or music only) meditation (and many more) in the e-Course Tantric sec explained.
Tantra sex for singles
Tantra sex is not only for couples. Tantra is a way of life, tantra sex is a way of dealing with sexuality. So many insights, practices, and techniques are also applicable if you are alone. Suppose you are fully energetic, totally relaxed, feeling strong, loving, sexy, the works. Why not? And the good thing is you don’t even need a partner to feel like that.
Love yourself, be intimate with yourself
Whether alone or together being able to be intimate with yourself is so important. Can you really be (happy) with yourself? Totally alone and still happy? Try some ME-time and find out. Look at and embrace your critical thoughts. Laugh at them and be happy. Take care of your body. Dare to caress yourself, pamper your body. Be at ease with your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them. Put awareness and love on them and resolve some the old (sexual) issues from the past. Do some heart meditation and meet your loving presence. Check out our tantric intimacy training.
Know your own body, know your own sexuality
Body-awareness is a very important part of tantra sex. Train it! You know your body like nobody else. You can do self-massage and also give yourself a tantra massage. Play with your sensuality, play with your sexuality. Play with your arousal and orgasm (see right above in this article). Make yourself familiar with this new way of having sex. Also, work on your sexual blockages. We all have them because we are trained to be ashamed and feel guilty about our sexuality. Again use awareness and love to solve your sexual issues from the past. But foremost!!!! Enjoy your sexuality. Have fun. Check out our tantric sexuality training.
Radiate into the world
Only a few people are made to be alone. So it’s natural that you long for a partner. The best way to prepare yourself for this is to be totally relaxed with intimacy, sexuality AND loving connection. This starts again with self-love, but then with loving others. Loving them not because they please you, NO. Loving them because you have no other choice. You are love, you radiate love into the world. Your heart is so full of love that you overflow! So boost and use your sexual energy and combine it with the tremendous power of your heart. Then radiate!
What women like to see in a man – what attracts a woman (great article)
Include tantra massage into your lovemaking
Tantra massage is
- An energetic massage.
- A loving touch.
- Totally consensual.
- Freeing sexual energy and other energies.
- Flowing through the body.
- Direction sacredness. Directed to the heart.
- Resulting in deep relaxation.
- A deep feeling of happiness.
Tantric lovemaking can be short, can be long. If you have a long time to spend with each other tantra massage is a great practice to include. We wrote a special series about tantra massage. Pick your choice, you can start looking at the basics of tantric massage.
Safe sex is important. Nobody wants to end up with HIV or some other disease. Safe sex, however, is only safe if you have only one sex partner and also that he/she has only you as sex buddy. Even then it’s not 100% riskless, life never is. Accidents do happen. You don’t want to know how many people got HIV from a mistake while donating blood. So always take care!
Trust and common sense stays very important. When you have multiple bed partners you must be very aware whom you sharing your sexuality with. The world of prostitutes and/or homosexuals combined with foreign cultures creates a big risk. But even your friend whom you know all your life isn’t without risk. So use your intelligence and take necessary precautions. Use a condom and also know that oral sex is a risk factor. Even kissing can be a transfer of disease. Don’t get scared however, take precautions and use your common sense.
Play with tantric energy – try tantra sex without sex
It’s really fun to have tantric sex without sex. You can even have tantra sex with your clothes on. A big part of tantra sex is the energetic play. Male energy meeting the feminine energy. Male energy penetrates, female energy embraces. You can add all the move you normally do. On your out-breath you penetrate. On the in-breath, you take in. Could be hot sexy energy (sex to sex) or could be strong sexual energy penetrating high up to the heart. Receiving energy in the heart bringing it down again (male circle). Really, this is very cool and fulfilling. Try it!
Keep it safe – #Metoo#
Safe to us has multiple meaning. Since #MeToo we know that sex always must be consensual. This means that the sex is mentally, emotionally, physically safe. Safe tantric sex is all about guarding boundaries and pushing limits. Awareness is very important. Always acting lovingly too. So even with “only” energetic penetration, you must be welcome. NEVER force yourself in. It must stay a play where trust and consent are key. Be especially aware of old wounds and heartache. They have to be handled with special attention and loving care.
Sex issues and how to solve them
We are no sex councilors so if you have a sex problem and want help please address it to the right people. Our basic belief is that YOU are the only one that can have a problem. And if you really accept who you are, then you don’t even have a sexuality problem. Because it is ok, whatever the case. That said, some issues tend to be problematic. This is due to our culture, our conditioning, our own belief system. We don’t pretend to solve your problem with/in 2-3 sentences, but it could lead you in the right direction. Follow up then with expert info and guidance. Some issue and the way to the solution are:
- No sex. Especially when your alone this could be an issue. But no sex is never necessary. Change your mindset. Change your need for the other. Self-sex, tantric sex as a single is very much doable. Learn to be intimate with yourself. Learn to be sexual with yourself. You can follow up with our intimacy training or/and sexuality training.
- Premature ejaculation – hot sex. From an early age on we learn that sex is all about orgasm/ejaculation. All the boys (and most girls) learn to masturbate, often very quickly. They use fantasy to cum. Jerk off – cum – sleep. Meeting a real woman is definitely something different. Men get excited quickly and can ejaculate very quickly, sometimes even before penetration. The average sex lasts only 7 minutes. The solution to premature ejaculation is to break this routine, get rid of this (fantasy) pattern. In summary: fantasize less, relax, breathe, disperse the energy in your body, become body-aware, play with your arousal, control your ejaculation. See the e-Course How to become multi-orgasmic.
- Unfulfilling sex – routine. Lots of men and women complain about unfulfilling sex. The key to solve this is communication. Please share more about your experiences. Talk about your desires, what you like in sex. Break the routine and slow down. Focus on enjoying sex together. Here and now I would say: start with tantric sex.
Sex issues and how to solve them
- De-polarized sex partners. When this is the case there is no sexual attraction between the two of you. You both have become “neutral”. This could be your natural state but this is only so in 5% of all men/women. So somewhere you lost your natural sexual position. When you’re a man chances (80%) are that you are a “manly” man meaning that your male (sexual) energy is dominant. You like to penetrate. When you’re a more feminine man your female energy is leading the way. You like to be penetrated and embraced. Same for women. This works in all types of romantic relationships. So what to do? Me Tarzan, you Jane!. Boost your sexual essence in all the ways you know and can imagen. Help your partner to do the same. And of course… You could do the e-Course Tantric sex explained. Change your love life in 2-3 weeks.
- Cheating. Wow, this is a complicated issue. No quick fixes here. Some directions… If you’re having an open relation, cheating isn’t an issue anymore. So check if this focus on monogamy is really yours. If not drop it. Problem solved. Second, cheating is mostly for a reason. Something is lacking in the relationship. Find out want that is and incorporate it into your partnership. Ever visited a couples sex club? Third, trust is the real issue. Whatever you want/do you should be able to discuss it with your partner. Sharing that is a big big relief. So question your lifestyle. Do you really want to live the tantric way? Start trusting life and each other, start talking.
- “Wrong fantasies”. People are afraid of their dark side. So dreaming about rape or abuse is considered as a big problem. Know however that everybody has this kind of dreams, at least everybody has a dark side. The things we don’t want to know about ourselves. The truth is that there are no wrong fantasies. They are all illusions of the mind. Based on unfinished business may be but harmless until you put some weight on them. So accept everything you are (including your dreams, fantasies, dark side). Know that there is a huge difference between thinking about something and acting out. You are completely free to think and feel whatever there is. Acting on this is a completely different matter, however. Dream about rape and enjoy it. NEVER rape someone. Feel angry and let it liberate you. Don’t ever dump your anger on someone else or be physically abusive. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be intimate with all your thoughts and feeling. Tip: intimacy starts with you.
- Porn – sex addiction. Lots of men watch porn. Some men are even addicted to porn. In tantra, we have no judgment on porn (or addiction). We say it’s just a matter of choice. So enjoy porn, why not? Know however that it’s not the real thing. It’s mental sex. If you watch too much porn you start to think that women are like you see in the movies. Don’t you want to find out what your partner (to be) is really like? If there’s a fantasy you would like to try, talk about it. Do an inquiry on sex. Share the secret that you watch (and masturbate on it) and feel relaxed about it. Or watch porn together and be aware of what happens. Use the things that arouse you and THEN be with the sexual energy. Enjoy your body and this tremendous delicious sexual energy. Don’t do anything, be aware and enjoy. It’s all about body awareness. We can show you how in our sexuality training.
Books on tantric sex – books that can inspire you
David Deida – The Enlighted Sex manual. Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover.
Osho – The Book of Secrets: 112 Meditations to Discover the Mystery Within.
Margo Anand – Multiple books – Our favorite: Love, Sex, and Awakening.
Oprah on tantra sex: tantric-sex-margot-anand-and-the-kama-sutra.
Mantak Chia – The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know.
Tantric sex courses
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