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Tantra sex techniques

Tantra sex techniques offers a few groups of techniques, that you can use in tantra sex. Many techniques or meditations have been developed in Tantra. Most relate to (the transformation of) sexual energy. You will find more general techniques in the series on couples meditation. In this article, you will find techniques that focus on sexual energy.

Sex versus Tantra sex

Tantra explained - tantric sex explainedThe big difference between sex and tantra sex is ‘love and consciousness’. The most important tantra sex techniques is making love with consciousness, and always making love in and out of love. Of course, lust can also fully participate, but the direction is always: from lust to love. Everything happens out off love. Tantra sex has no purpose, other than being wonderfully (long) lovingly together. Hence, there is no stress, no fear of failure. See also the key article Tantric sex explained for more information about tantra sex.


Tantra sex techniques

1. Make it something special

Tantra takes you away from the autopilot. Having sex very consciously, and making something special out of it. Because having sex is very beautiful! So make it something very special, a special event, every time. Set up a special room, make a beautiful Tantra temple. Or choose a beautiful place in nature. That is not only exciting, but also romantic and close to what sex is: very natural. Take some romantic stuff with you. Make it a special space, a sacred space. See also the tantra basics.

2. Set the tone

Joyful anticipation

Special things are wonderful to look forward to. Not only make nice preparations, it is also great to live up to it. Enjoying the “foreplay”. SMS, chat, mail, let each other know that you love it. That way you have days of pre-fun. And also on the day itself. Meet each other with loving attention. Not ‘smack, boom, ready’, but take it slow, prepare e.g. take a shower and/or a bath together first.

Loving attention for each other

Loving attention for each other, that’s what it’s about. Make a cheerful game of dressing up and undressing again. Make yourself Godly / feel divine. Put on nice sexy clothes. Then do for example a spiritual striptease – show the God / Goddess in yourself and see the God(dess) in your partner. Dance for each other. You might set up some music that awakens your sensuality. Show yourself and see the other as a wonderful, sensual, sexual, attractive and divine being.

3. Make time!

Tantric sex needs time, a simple tantra sex techniques is to máke time! That may not be possible every day, and that is not necessary. But once in a while … Know your priorities! Follow the power of your intention: you want to have a lovingly (ecstatic/orgasmic) encounter? Priority 1 is thus quality time! Go for at least 1 ½ – 2 hours. Ensure that there is no distraction. Kids elsewhere / at the babysitter, telephones off. A matter of commitment.

4. Know your sexual (heart) desires

Often, over time, sex becomes routine and more of the same. In tantra sex, all aspects of your being may come forward and come into the light. Communicate with each other about your sexual (heart) desires. Speak out your sexual fantasies at least once. Write a sex script about it, which you then also act out together. Hmm … exciting! In tantra sex, there are only a few or no limits and/or taboos. It is about your intentions and the confidence that you – even in sex – may/can be exactly as you are. So examine your own limiting beliefs about sex. Discover and know your sexual desires. Nothing is obligated, but let your desires give input/direction to your lovemaking.

What is great sex for you?

A nice way to do this is an inquiry. You ask each other a specific question: e.g. ‘what is great sex for you?‘ You can also do a sharing. A sharing is more suitable for more sensitive subjects.

In short, the difference is that you can (afterward) talk freely about info/insights that came out from an inquiry. What is said in a sharing is never to be spoken about directly and certainly not ever judged. This gives an enormous trust/confidence and the space to share every possible issue with each other.

See the PDF: Inquiry explained
What is sharing?


Tantra sex techniques

5. Tantra massage as a foreplay

Tantra sex has no goal, no purpose. Actually, tantra sex is one big long foreplay. Tantric sex is much more than just penetration and orgasm… So a lot is possible as a foreplay. Right? Could be a romantic dinner, could be cuddling on the couch. Touch is also wonderful, everyone wants to be touched. Wouldn’t you also like to touch your partner? So … give each other a wonderful tantric massage. No sex (penetration or oral sex), it is just nice to warm up and get in the mood. Relax, connect, find erogenous zones, create excitement.

Read the articles on tantric massage

6. Awakening of the senses

Learn to use your senses

Like no other, Tantra uses the body and the senses as a natural way to access your deeper core, your true being. Tantra is not about to fixed patterns, routines. So relax, and forget everything you know about sex! Make your tantra sex into a discovery game. Again and again. Learn and practice to use your senses in sex and learn to connect them with your heart. Seeing everything as if for the first time, but now wíth consciousness! Like when you saw your first sunset, wasn’t that ecstatic? Maybe your first orgasm wasn’t that great, but what about the next one! Use your senses: see, hear, taste, smell, feel your partner. Don’t bring anything in from the past, feel how it is NOW.

Also look inside

Connect your senses with your own inner world. Look inside, and feel your body. How does your partner’s touch feel? Can you feel your energy, your excitement (grow)? Do you hear your own pleasure sounds? What turns you on? What is your State of Excitement (SoE)? There is so much to experience. People, use your senses!

Be creative

And of course: be creative. Use your own body (body to body). Be joyfully playful! Use tools if you like that: silk scarves, smells, instruments, tasty things. Seeing? Tasting? Smelling? Feeling? Hearing?

7. Male / Female attraction

Plus and minus attract each other

Male and female energy attract each other. Whether you are straight, lesbian or gay, this is always true! There are only a few couples who are naturally neutral. But neutrality is lurking, for example by routine, by being “buddies”, or by blockades. If there is no attraction (anymore), the sex is not really spectacular. So ensure polarity. Empower and activate your own sexual essence.

If you are a male man, feel/make yourself a MAN. Exactly as you are, but completely alert, present, tip-top, a real SHIVA god. If you are a feminine woman, feel/make yourself a WOMAN. Exactly as you are, but completely gorgeous, loving, divine, a real SHAKTI goddess.

Empower/activate each other’s sexual essence

And more important: empower and activate the sexual essence of your partner! Help him/her to get into his/her strength. See him/her as a divine being. If you are a manly man, then you probably have a feminine wife. Adore her! See how wonderful she is and tell it to her many times too. She too can be completely as she is, but see her total, complete: as a beautiful Shakti goddess. And in this state, you meet each other, super plus and super minus! An energy pull that is irresistible.


Tantra sex techniques

8. Energetic activation techniques

Tantra, tantra sex has EVERYTHING to do with energetic connection. Tantra sex is about moving all of your life-energy. Sexual energy is such a big part of it!

Unfortunately, sex and often sexual energy is subject to many norms, values, rules, taboos that block/counter the flow of sexual energy. It is not allowed, it’s not appropriate and therefore cannot.

Mental relaxation

As you can do an inquiry focused on your desires, the inquiry can also be focused on detecting your limiting beliefs, and other (physical) blockades (traumas) on sexual energy. Put some consciousness on the obstacles that prevent you from releasing and the flowing of your sexual energy. What is preventing you to show yourself in the love game and to let go energetically? If needed, see the pdf Inquiry explained and/or The power of your convictions. Know your beliefs, accept them and drop them when they are no longer relevant.

Be supple and “alive” in your lower body

Moving more or less is one of the SoE tools (see below). Here, with movement, we do not mean things like the thrusting during sex. We mean general activation by moving the body. Because we are sitting so much, most people’s bodies are so stiff and our energy is totally stuck. Our pelvis seems almost rusted solid! Therefore, actually, every movement is good, and more specifically those exercises that make the lower body move more smoothly. ‘Shaking’ is a proven method to wake up your body, your energy. Especially if the shake also includes in the lower regions of your body. Pelvic moves are awesome. Somewhat more local there are the PC-muscle exercises. These are not only wonderful as activation (some women can orgasm on it), but also as a SoE tool to regulate the State of Excitement and/or to prevent ejaculation.


Slow down, relax

One of the simplest and most important Tantra sex techniques


Tantra massage – touching – chakra activation

We told you about massage before, but now more related to energy activation. Activation of the sex chakra is an important element of a tantra massage. We are not going to repeat everything here, so take a look at our articles on tantra massage. Check these articles on the topics: ‘energy activation’, ‘plateau-ing’ and ‘body-orgasm’.

Visualization

Lots of people (especially men) get excited by mental/visual stimulation. In Tantra, there are no taboos. Fantasizing, watching porn, reading or listening to spicy stories, everything is allowed, why not? Everything that turns you on is okay. Your body doesn’t mind where the excitement comes from.

Out of your head, but keep feeling and stay in the here and now

What dóes make a difference is that you don’t keep on wandering in your mind. Then sex is a mindfuck instead of tantra sex. So, get out of your head again. Out of your head, into your body, and to your heart. Stay present in the here and now: so, stay present with your partner. Don’t dream away, e.g. by fantasizing about sex with someone else. FEEL your body, connect to your partner and enjoy your lovemaking togéther.

Activation tools

The same goes for all kinds of sex toys. Tantra sex is about an energetic connection. Not what you do, the acting is the central point, but the energy. And with the energy the connection between the two of you. Toys are tools, so don’t get lost in this toy-play, and don’t lose yourself in the kick they give you. In the end, you will (if you are unconscious) get bored by all these mind games.


Tantra sex techniques

9. Synchronization

(Juicy) Alignment

So there are a lot of techniques for activation of energy. One important other technique in tantra sex is synchronization. After all, you want to experience lovemaking together, and not as a one-sided ego-trip, isn’t it? That’s why alignment is só essential! Connection with each other, attentive care, in perfect sync with each other!!

Eye-contact, synchronized breathing

Tantra sex techniques - eye contactDo you want the same things? Do you have a mental match? Great! But hopefully, there is also a physical match. You might start by making eye-contact: Look Lovingly. And a simple loving touch, without much movement, how does thát feel?

Synchronized breathing is the next step.  Breathing in and out, together, at the same time. Or maybe just reversed (one breathes in while the partner breathes out). Tune in to each other, and together become silent, rested and peaceful.

Synchronize energy

Synchronization techniques are about a (simultaneous) energy flow and about synchronized energy frequencies. Actually, this always a natural ongoing process, but if you get more acquainted with tantra sex this will be a delicious more conscious adventure. Getting excited (horny) together. Rising from lust to love together (and back).

10. Play the energy game

Tantra sex is the spiritual dance between the male and the female. An energetic dance of seduction, which ends in a melting into One. Male and female energies, flowing together, it is an ultimate togetherness, a sublime melting.

Penetrating and embracing

Male energy penetrates, female energy embraces. This way, you can play the love game, wíth or withóut physical penetration. In the course, Tantric sex explained this is a major topic.

Flowing together

You can play with energy in all chakra’s and in many ways.  You can’t do it, but you can allow it, let it happen. So, not only thrusting, but also flowing. The Swing of Fire e.g. is a duo-meditation, in which you practice the sexual energy swing. In the LoveSwing the swing comes from the heart.

11. Brakes lose

Free yourself from blockades and taboos

We said it before, we are full or limiting beliefs and taboos about sex. It’s really incredible how deep these anti-sex conditionings are settled in. In spite of the sex revolution, our sexual energy is só repressed. And #MeToo doesn’t make things easier too. What we certainly don’t promote is getting wild without any sense of love.. ‘Brakes loose’ isn’t a call for abuse or for dumping your sexuality on your partner. No, not at all. It is great however to free yourself from sexual blockades and taboos.

Safe release off that what is suppressed

What it actually IS, is a challenge to release what is suppressed, in a conscious and loving way. It is a wakeup call, to free yourself from this armor, to act a bit crazy and to watch what it does to you. So try these crazy things:

  • While having sex, make sounds.
  • Try something different, e.g. try some other sex positions.
  • Free the wild (wo)man inside you, let him/her participate.
  • For once, do something that is not allowed (by others).

Tantra sex techniques

12. Use your SoE tools

Postpone the Point of No-return

Tantra sex usually takes more time than regular sex and is -energetically- much more intense. Regular sex takes an average time of about 11 minutes. And after about something like 3-5 minutes of penetration the man orgasms uncontrollably and there is a routine ejaculation.

The orgasmic (wo)man, however, uses tools, tantra sex techniques, to regulate his/her State of Excitement (SoE). In a such a way that the ‘point of no return’ is reached much later and ejaculation can be prevented and/or postponed. In short, with these tools, you feel and regulate your State of Excitement in a very conscious way. And thus, lovemaking can take as much time as you like: an endless foreplay!

Use your SoE tools

  • Move more/less.
  • Breath faster/slower.
  • Contract / relax your PC-muscle.
  • Change your focus (from sex to heart or 3rd eye).
  • Move your energy (up and down).

For an extended explanation see this special article on the SoE tools.


More is less: so for once… don’t do anything

– Tantra sex techniques –


Prevent ejaculation

Men, as well as woman, can ejaculate. The problem for men is that by ejaculating they lose their sperm and with that lots of energy. That’s why most of the times a lovemaking ends after one (quick) orgasm. That’s a shame and totally unnecessary. Use the SoE tools and especially: Train your PC-muscle. With that, you prevent routinely ejaculation direct after the orgasm, because these are two different things. Without ejaculation, you not only prevent energy loss but after your orgasm, you can go on with your lovemaking. And also: more intense and multiple orgasms during one lovemaking are possible. In the course How to become multi-orgasmic, you find an extensive explanation, including a step-by-step scheme how to reach this, as well as many exercises (also for partners).

13. Sex magic

Reservoir of energy

During tantra sex, an enormous amount of sexual energy is built up. This energy flows -more or less- free through the body.  You can imagine it as a reservoir of (life) energy, an enormous amount of energy. In ‘sex magic’ this energy is used to create miracles. Because I myself am not an advocate for this, so I won’t be going too deep on this subject, but I don’t want to keep it away from you either.

Sex magic: Message to the universe

If your State of Excitement increases, a lot of energy will build up. If you learn to play with this energy you can bring the energy up (and down) in your body. The upward flow is called the liberating flow. The sex magic technique is: when you reach an orgasm, you bring the sex energy up very forceful. From your loins to your heart, to your head. If the orgasm reaches your head, you can orgasm, and at that moment you send all this energy – together with your intention/desire – to the cosmos. The power of your intention is now at maximum strength. Mentally, physically and energetically you send your message (your wishes) to the universe. Practitioners of sex magic are convinced that your wishes will be manifested.

14. Bring devotion into your Lovemaking

Lovingly being together

For me, Tantra sex is: being together in love. Like explained above in sex magic a reservoir of energy is created. Tantra sex balances this energy, with the heart as the center point. There are many techniques for this, but what they all have in common is that Lust, sexual energy, is taken in and transformed to Love. The energies of both partners merge. From down under all the way up (Journey to Heaven) or in a sex-heart circle (Circle of Love).

From lust to love, to devotion

And that’s not the end… ‘Out of your head, into your body, to your heart, conscious BE-ING’. Then Tantra sex isn’t about the moment of orgasm anymore… No, tantra sex is then about a complete, total orgasmic BE-ING. Be-ing, be-ing together… And even melting into one. Time and space disappear. Al acting stops. Higher levels of consciousness (3rd eye) are reached and integrated. The ego disappears: you, the other, are no more. You are a drop in the ocean of love and consciousness.

Surrender

Tantra sex is nothing but (the process of) surrender. Surrender to life itself, surrender to the universe. In surrender (which you cannot dó)  you don’t need any techniques.  But until then meditations like ‘The Completion’ or the ‘Circle of Light’ can be helpful. These, however, are meditations for experts.


Tantra sex techniques

Read more

When you are not in the mood for sex
More about the SoE tools: regulate your State of Excitement (SoE)

Back to the key article Tantric sex explained

Relevant courses

e-Course Tantric sex explained

Learn loving and conscious sex in 3 weeks (course Tantric sex explained)

A step by step explanation to learn how to make love in a conscious and loving way. With insights, demo’s, exercises and a lot of duo-meditations. Lots of tantra sex techniques.

How to become multi-orgasmic (M)

A course to become a multi-orgasmic (wo)man. You can’t climb the De Mount Everest in one day. We take you on an expedition. We train you and guide you to the top. You have to “do” it, we explain you hów to do it. You can do this training on your own, but there are also may (optional) partner-exercises to do together.

Tantra sex techniques - e-Course Multi-orgasmic man


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Satori de Ruijter

Hi, my name is Satori. You could say that I am enjoying life very much. Always looking at the bright side. My passion and lifestyle is tantra. Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. My wife and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now retired, but we have online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See online-tantra.com or .NL

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