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Tantra massage tips

Tantra massage tips is part of a series of 4 articles on tantra massage:

  1. What is tantric massage: a detailed explanation of tantric massage.
  2. The basics of tantric massage: an explanation of the more practical aspect.
  3. 10 important tantra massage tips: massage insights/rules to know (this article).
  4. Tantra massage techniques: an explanation of tantra massage techniques.

What is tantric massage ?

A loving touch full of attention and presence

A tantric massage is a loving touch full of attention and presence, without a standard form and predetermined result. Tantra massage is given from the heart. In a tantric massage, the whole body participates and erogenous zones can also be touched. Of course, always with respect for (mutual) boundaries. Tantra massage is an energetic massage in which sexual energy also gets attention. A tantra massage takes place on the basis of equality and establishes an intimate connection between massage giver and receiver. Mentally, physically, at heart level and sometimes even at the depths of heart and soul. The purpose of a tantric massage is to “bring” the receiver in (the direction of) a natural, ecstatic state of being. The effect is often a wonderful physical, mental well-being. Usually, the receiver is very relaxed, wonderfully flowing and ending up well in the heart, and in higher spheres.

See the article What is tantric massage for a detailed explanation of tantric massage.

Tantra massage tips: be loving
Look lovingly, touch lovingly, act lovingly

First and major tip: Be ready

Although it may seem rather obvious, our first tip is: is it só important that you can give a tantric massage from your heart. And that you are able to receive, not only the touch of your body, but also your heart being touched. And that you are familiar with intimacy. That you must be able to be intimate with yourself before you can give or receive an intimate, tantric massage.

So if you or your partner feel any hesitation about love or intimacy, then we definitely recommend doing first one or both of the following courses: “Intimacy starts with you” and/or “Living from an Open Heart”

tantric intimacy coursesLiving with an open heart


Tantra massage tips

1. Do not work towards a specific goal

A tantric massage is always different. You never know how it goes. It is not the technique or the desired order of massaging that is important, it is about what is appropriate/necessary. What does the receiver most need at the moment? What is good for her/him? Love knows what to do, love always has an appropriate response. And so the massage will be exactly that which is needed. It is sufficient that the giver is present and keeps tuning in to his/her heart, to the frequencies of love. And the divine also has his/her own plan, you can’t imagine that. Tantric massages therefore often have a very surprising course. Everything fits into a larger whole. For example, a tantric massage does not always have to be “fine”, ending in bliss. A “failed” massage can be the first step in a great development.

2. Respect boundaries

We knew it for a long time, of course, but since the #MeToo revelations, some things have come up in the world of tantra massage. Masseurs (you do not hear a lot about masseuses) who indulge their own sexual satisfaction on “clients”. Of course, that has little or nothing to do with tantra massage. The safety of both the receiver and the giver must always be guaranteed. Loving attunement always comes first.

Make clear agreements in advance

Every person (except when you are enlightened) has his limits. This is human and is also necessary. Also, read the article on guarding boundaries). So think beforehand, both the giver and the receiver, what your limits are. Allow a good intake and preparation, also with your lover/massage partner. Make clear agreements in advance: about mental boundaries, clarify physical boundaries. It is a misconception that a tantric massage must always be naked, nonsense. With clothes on is also quite okay, though it is difficult to work with (hot) oil. It is also a misconception that with a tantric massage the focus should be on calibrated sexual parts of the body such as breasts and sex, also nonsense. Personally, we have given and received many tantric massages on just only the head. In fact, every cell is sensual, uncovered, you will be amazed.

Tantra massage: 5 % technique; 95% intuition/feeling

3. Consider the wishes and desires of the recipient

We often hear that people “take” a tantric massage with a specific purpose. Men long for a happy ending, women often want “healing”. Of course, it’s okay if you have wishes and desires, fine. However, realize that it can also run very differently. It is not something like just having a quick “Yoni (vaginal) massage”, and to try to use tantra massage as an instant healing technique.

Know that things can unfold differently

Of course, behind every tantric massage is a desire, an intention and that is fine. It is important that the intentions and the boundaries are clear to everyone. Sometimes, however, it is slightly different from what you had thought. So express your desire (s) and then let go of it completely. Surrender and accept everything that comes.

Tantra massage tips

4. It is always an energetic massage

Activate and let it flow freely again

Activating and letting free the flow of life energy (prana) is the main part of tantra massage. Tantra massage is an energetic massage in which sexual energy also gets attention. In a tantric massage, the whole body participates and erogenous zones can also be touched. This of course always with respect for (mutual) boundaries. When activating life energy, sexual energy plays an important role. In tantra massage we play with the activation of basic/sexual/emotional/passionate/love/creation/intuitive energy.

Start with the heart

Nothing is mandatory, but we suggest that it is good to start the actual massage with the heart (chakra), just after the first attunement. Opening the heart and activating the heart energy is wonderful. Especially in men, the heart chakra is often (too) closed. Opening it alone can be a wonderful experience. It is also a great start for women. Heart energy can be gently lowered and supported when opening the sex chakra. Also, see below under the heading “renewed balance and connection between sex and heart”.

5. Self-love and consciousness are very important! `

When activating and feeing (sexual/emotional) energy, much awareness, and love (safety) is needed. In a human life we (as a baby/child/adolescent/adult) experience many situations that strongly limit our life energy. Our energy system is thereby separated (sex and heart). A lot of energy will also be stored in our bodies (freeze) when in high impact situations we cannot fight or flight.

Massage triggers

Touching and releasing both the frozen energy during the massage (small/major emotional traumas) and the body tension (armor), often produces quite some reactions. Most people have sexual taboos, injury (s) and conditioning and at the sexual level, there are often quite a few “triggers”. Tantra massage is nó therapy, it is important that both giver and receiver are well aware of this. Too much energy, and loosening it too quickly, is not wise. Consciousness (good observation) and loving attunement ensure a good outcome.

6. Be alert to renewed freezing moments

Where it often goes “wrong” in tantra massage is when a recap of frozen moments arise. Old traumas are triggered and relived, without the necessary self-love and awareness to properly deal with it NOW. What happens often is that the receiver freezes (no longer reacts) again, whereby the giver is not sufficiently attuned (present) to notice this.

Prevent limits from being exceeded again

The activation then usually goes too far/too long, where there is a danger that the (same) boundaries will be exceeded again. Both giver and receiver must be very aware of this. It emphasizes once again the need for good communication, clear agreements about the boundaries. But also the need for sufficient feedback and integration moments during the massage.

Tantra massage tips

7. Increasingly freer step by step…

During the massage, but also when you do a number of massages in a series, you become more and more free. This is a process of clearing blockades and pushing boundaries: (energetically). What was difficult during the first massage to let go becomes easier in subsequent massages. This is a very logical and natural process. The confidence (in the massage giver) that it is okay, makes the relaxation, the opening and the surrender bigger, and that is very beautiful.

But beware: no sex

Less beautiful is that the progressive intimacy between donor and recipient often leads to progressive and (un) desirable sexuality between donor and recipient. Borders change and it is important to do this very consciously. Exuding sexuality is fine, but sex and sexual acts that are only focused on pleasure gratification do NOT belong to a tantra massage. It is absolutely not okay if the giver in a tantra massage imposes his own body/sexuality/sexual desires.

Tantra massage is focussed on the natural, ecstatic state of being

8. Practice makes perfect

You cannot really dó a tantra massage. Every loving touch with attention and presence is good! Rest assured, you do not have to do years of training. You will notice that as you get some more experience, you will become more sensitive, both as giver and receiver. The art of touching… There is a number of factors that help to bring someone (faster/easier) into that natural (ecstatic) state of being. The degree of relaxation, for example, is one of them. The other? You’re sure going to discover them.

9. Renewed balance and connection between sex and heart

Activating sexual (and other) energy in the chakras is one, balance and flow in the body is two. The upward and downward flow in our body is often curdled. Especially the connection between sex and heart is disturbed, it happens to almost everyone during the (pre-) adolescent phase. It is quite difficult to be open and flowing both in the sex chakra and the heart chakra. Men are often (too) open in the sex chakra and are (too) closed in the heart chakra. Women are often (too) closed in the sex chakra and (too) closed in the heart chakra. Tantra massage leads to a renewed balance and connection between sex and heart.

10. Provide feedback and integration moments

Tantra massage is very physical. Use your senses, let your body speak. And give feedback, tell how you feel. So before, during and after the massage you are communicating in all sorts of ways. Maybe you are occasionally overwhelmed by the effect of the massage, but always stay consciously present, keep feeling. Together, take time (during and) after the massage, to let things sink; provide integration moments. During and/or in the first days after the massage, many things can happen. A tantra massage can really loosen up everything. Enjoy the massage, and enjoy the afterglow. Even if it is less nice, then realize that it is good for you, that it fits into your personal growth process.

And some extra tantra massage tips

11. Tantra massage is more than sexual satisfaction

Tantra massage has, in our opinion, very little to do with sex. Those looking for sex better can go for (tantric) sex. Those who are only looking for sexual satisfaction, for an orgasmic release (happy ending) better go for an erotic massage. As far as we are concerned, (oral) sex and actions that are exclusively aimed at “cumming” are NOT part of a tantra massage.

Yoni or Lingam massage

The whole body can participate in a tantra massage, including the intimate parts. In tantra, the vagina is called Yoni, the penis is called Lingam. And of course, they can get there share in the massage. As far as we are concerned, these two names confirm the special character of what tantra (massage) aims at. Tantra sees everything in the world as “divine”, as sacred. And so we also see the intimate parts. Breasts are sacred and a connection to the heart. The Yoni is a beautiful, sacred part of the female body. The Lingam is a powerful, divine part of the masculine. When the Yoni or Lingam is massaged, they may be seen and honored for the first time. All taboos fall away, all pain and (anal) tension (eventually) disappears. It is precisely the genitals that are places where (abuse) traumas are stored and much-suppressed energy is present.

12. Do not discharge, but recharge

Discovering sexuality, sexual stimulation, Yoni or Lingam massage is all right, however, tantra massage does not activate sexual energy to discharge (pleasure), but to recharge. To free the sexual energy and add it to your life energy and let it flow in your body. It is about spreading local sexual energy, transforming the sexual energy, opening the body (the Yoni) and releasing stress, blockages etc. And to bring you into the natural state (to charge).

Start with the heart

The direction is: from sex to the heart (or vice versa). An overload of sexual energy is brought to the heart (stroking). This way the heart chakra opens more. Gradually, prana is spread throughout the body. Gradually the whole body is opened, and energetic or orgasmic. Although the normal sex orgasm may well be part of tantra massage, the massage is always in the direction of sacredness, of the naturally ecstatic state of being.

Heart orgasm

A heart orgasm can occur if the body is sufficiently relaxed and open. If there is a degree of surrender that allows the sexual/life energy to open the heart (completely). It feels like the orgasm takes place in the heart. This experience is usually very overwhelming. We are not used to living with an open heart. So count on a lot of emotion, and don’t be afraid of it (both as giver and receiver). It is a nice gift to give and to receive.

Body orgasms

As the effect of tantra massage approaches the natural state of being, there is less and less to say about it. What is ecstasy? What is an orgasmic body? The best thing is if you experience it yourself. The fact is that your body then is extremely energetically charged, and at the same time completely relaxed. In the body orgasm, there is deep relaxation, a deep surrender in which you, your ego-me, disappear completely. You’re no longer here. That moment of surrender may be longer as a result of tantra massage. Seconds, minutes, an hour? Who knows…. Your body may shock a little, all the cells vibrate in a pleasantly ecstatic frequency. You are not there and yet again … Mmm… an orgasmic state of being.

13. Demand free

Some masseurs are mainly concerned with what they find pleasant, fun, desirable. Tough as a giver you also can enjoy, but the essence is that you are there for the recipient. So forget about your own “needs”, stay away from your own issues and above all … try not to impose anything. Nothing has to be done, nothing is needed! Do not try to force anything. Again, try not to impose anything (your own goals/body/sexuality)! Tune in to what the receiver needs. It is as it is and it runs as it goes. Trust in love. Perhaps you are disappointed when someone falls asleep. You may not be waiting for an emotional cry, but a tantric massage has no goal. No intended result. It is what it is. Accept that.

Tantra massage tips

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Read more

The article “Tantra massage tips” is part of a series of 4 articles on tantra massage:

  1. What is tantric massage: a detailed explanation of tantric massage.
  2. The basics of tantric massage: an explanation of the more practical aspect.
  3. 10 important tantra massage tips: massage insights/rules to know (this article).
  4. Tantra massage techniques: an explanation of tantra massage techniques.

Let us guide you

from lust to loveWe are a strong believer in abstaining from sexual acts during a tantric massage. Limits are (too) easily exceeded and what really matters is not done justice. Nevertheless, we fully recognize the pleasure and added value of sex. But this is really another chapter. Tantric sex has special core elements. Without the sexual, but with the energetic aspect, they can be applied excellently during a tantric massage. It is good to understand and handle the difference between sex and sexual energy. For this you do the course “Tantric sex explained – enhanced Lovemaking”.

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Hi, my name is Solana. Tantra is important for me, because it makes my life so beautiful. I learned to live my life with an open heart. Sharing love make the world a better place ❤ I enjoy life! Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. Satori and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now we share our love ánd wisdom in our online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See or .nl

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