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Tantra for men
Tantra for men is a collection of insights, meditations, articles, and e-Courses specifically aimed at (single) men. Beginners and advanced. Being a man myself I put a lot of my own experience in this article. It may be applicable to you (or not). I hope it will be, at least, support for you.
From frustration to fulfillment
Everybody is looking for connection. Being alone is not always great. It took me a long time to be able to be alone and happy. From an early age on I was looking for a partner. luckily I found one, but basically, that didn’t matter. When I was alone I yearned for a partner when I had a partner I wanted to be alone, free from attachment. It took a long time before I could see that the frustration it caused, was all in my mind, my self doing. Tantra learned me the secret to fulfillment (see next).
Especially when I was single, my unfulfilled sexuality needs frustrated me. As an adolescent, I was thought to suppress my sexuality. Indulging in my desires was not ok. Tantra learned me that there is nothing wrong with my sexuality, that it’s all ok. No need anymore to suppress or unconsciously indulging in sex. Tantra taught me to relax and be natural in sex. I am having a very satisfying love life now.
Women always attracted me. I suppose, that being straight or gay, the opposite male/female energy will always be like a strong magnet pooling you closer. But men are from Mars and women are from Venus (?)… I never understood women, could connect, could deal with the emotional chaos that sometimes arises. Tantra changed my perspective. Tantra taught me that everything is also in me. So I got to get used to, see it as a quality AND take advantage of it.
Tantra for (single) men – self-love is key
The best thing Tantra did for me was opening my heart. Until then I had this “ego-air” of “you can’t touch me” around me. It was a protecting mask, protecting the uncertainty in me. I had this feeling that I wasn’t ok, had to perform to be acceptable. Well, Tantra tells you that you ARE ok just the way you are. Whatever people say, you are ok. Later on, I talk about meditations you can do well, heart meditation is one of the best tantric meditations I know. Just breathing, focussing on your heart (chakra) brings you to the source: the love that you are. Love, self-love is key. It brings your self-esteem and the power to be yourself: anytime, any place.
Enjoy the full package – all qualities
As said Tantra accepts everything. So what if you would embrace your dark side too? Pushing your “bad” sides away doesn’t help you much. It only comes back stronger. Tantra invites you to grow in consciousness. To let you see what you call “bad/dark/undesirable” is an inherent part of you/life. And don’t be afraid: the monster you think to see isn’t there anyway.
Conditioning from your past/childhood is severely limiting your life. So unmask your conditioning. You probably don’t allow yourself to act “feminine” because that’s not what a “real” man should do. Bullshit I say. You have feelings, emotions too! Know that you also have sensuality in your body, you do have passion, intuition, wisdom in your system. You do know what it is to be soft, loving and compassioned. Tantra says: “embrace all energies, all qualities” whatever label they have. Don’t limit yourself. You will feel more complete, more balanced.
Tantra meditations for men
There is a lot of tantra practice that you can do if you’re a (single) man. Basically, it’s all aimed at growing in love and consciousness. The power of convictions makes you aware of how you limit yourself. Constantly going and doing doesn’t make it easier to feel and be. So I advise you to:
Slow down and relax
Take a break and do nothing. Take some breathers during the day. Make the time to observe what the hell you are so busy with. Take ME-time. Take time to become aware of how you feel. Whether you feel good or bad, you can always feel better!
Dare to be intimate (with yourself)
The sex drive in men will always be great. We love to have sex. However, intimacy procedes before sexuality. So, learn how to intimate, women love intimacy. And it’s not a trick, its fun and feels good. From small talk to intimacy. Relax, feel your body energy and open up.
If you are not comfortable with yourself, work on that part first. Intimacy with others starts with intimacy with yourself. If you are relaxed, energetic, open, loving, you will make great connections.
Awakening of the senses
Living on the auto-pilot is not so fulfilling. When you fully use your senses you will become alive again. So use your senses consciously. Your body, your senses are always in the moment. Enjoy it and stay there, don’t wander off. Taste, touch, smell, listen, see without memory (seen it, done it, been there…). Be fresh and innocent again.
- Look fresh at the world/women/friend. Eye-gazing is basic tantra practice.
- Consciously feel that/how you touch or are being touched. Be loving!
- Fully taste your coffee/beer/food.
- Really listen (without immediate judgment) to what the other has to say.
- You can smell fear. Yes, you can smell a good/lively atmosphere. You can even smell opportunity!
When you are blindfolded all your other senses sharpen. It’s exciting and fun. Try it! Even when you are alone you can do it. Explore your home blindfolded. You will be surprised by this new world. Also in most tantra classes touching is extensively practiced. The beauty is that you are being touched the whole day. Feel the different body sensations. Be aware of how you are being touched and touch. Learn to touch consciously and lovingly!
Tantra means expanding to a deep sense of “belonging“. This implies that you feel absolutely at ease with yourself. The e-Course “Intimacy starts with you” is designed just to achieve that: to create quality time and homecoming.
Discover yourself, make friends… Care for yourself and know that you are ok. No more fear of rejection. De-armoring yourself and therefore feeling (good and more) again. Balanced and able to take care of yourself: physical, emotional, mental. Showing the world/women the strong loving presence that you are.
More info: e-Course “Intimacy starts with you”
Tantra for men – intimacy training
Power up: Re-discover your sexuality
Sexuality is an important factor in a man’s life. Thinking about Tantra probably the first thing that crossed your mind was sex. And that is ok! Living a fulfilling sex life is ok! There’s nothing wrong with your sexual energy. Tantra is all for it! Don’t suppress it, don’t throw it away. Learn to control and use it. Sexual energy makes your presence stronger. The more the better.
Move your pelvis, train your PC-muscle
Physical fitness is important. To feel good it’s necessary that your life energy flows. The same is true for your sexual energy. We tend to suppress our sexual energy. Around sex, there’s a lot of guilt and shame piled up. We avoid sexual energy with might and main and our body gets rigid over time and our pelvis very stiff. No sexual energy is allowed to move and stir you up. Because what would happen then? There’s is strong mind control. But Tantra says the contrary, tantra says move, jump around, shake your body: free your energy. Activate! Sexual energy is a big big part of your life energy. Don’t waste it! So move you pervis, let go, power up!
Breath all the way down to your belly and sex. Feel the emotions and sexual energy that is there. Enjoy it! Discover the power in your loin (first/second chakra) and train your PC muscle. A trained PC muscle is the key to your sexual power and the control of your orgasms. It’s not necessary to ejaculate quickly or unwillingly. You can have the power to last longer (see also later / How to become multi-orgasmic).
Diffuse sexual energy
One big problem with sexual energy is that it can get stuck and can create terrible tension. Either it gets stuck in your head or in your sex. If it gets stuck in your head you’ll have compulsive thoughts about sex and women. If it gets stuck in your sex (boosted by hormones too) you are horny all the time and want to have sex all the time (which isn’t going to happen). Either way, you will get very tense and looking for relief! Either by have sex, masturbating or acting out, releasing in orgasm or doing. Tantra says: don’t throw your energy, don’t waste it. Keep it! Diffuse it throughout your body. Make your presence stronger.
Use the PC-pump
So learn a new way to use your PC muscle: as a pump, an energy pump. You are going to use your PC muscle to pump up the energy, to push it up, to create a mega-energy flow in your body. You will use your breath together with your PC muscle. And… you can do it now:
Breath in -> imagine that you inhale sexual energy through your genitals, pulsate your PC muscle with some effort, strong -> push the energy along your spine upward in your body, to your heart,
Breath out -> relax, let the energy flow through your whole body, and down again, to your sex.
Enjoy a Tantra massage
A great way to discover your sexual energy and to relax with it is enjoying a tantric massage. Follow the link for more info but know upfront that a tantric massage isn’t an erotic massage, so no “happy end”. It’s a great way however to activate your sexual energy and learn to let go, diffuse the energy into your body. Even a full body orgasm is possible after some time.
If you have a partner or girlfriend, dare to invite them for a tantric massage exchange. Let them read the basics of tantric massage and spend some quality time together. If a full body massage is too much, well, try the loving/tantric touch. Caressing a hand or head can be so fulfilling.
Play with fire
Energy has to move, sexual energy has to move. Frozen energy will not make you happy. Tantra has a lot of energy games to try. One of them we call the Swing of Fire. Basically, it’s the moving of sexual energy. Look at it like penetrating a woman but then not physical but energetically. The Swing of Fire is a couples meditation but you get the drift of it reading the explanation.
Tantra for men – tantra sex is possible
Tantra sex is having sex with love and with consciousness. In tantra sex, you make a deep energetic connection with your partner. It is a special meeting, a journey of discovery in which sex and heart can participate altogether.
Preparing for tantra sex
Even without a partner, you can prepare for tantra sex. Starting with being able to be intimate with yourself. At ease with your body and sexuality. Why would that be different when you are with a partner?
- Give your body a treat. Do something special for/with your body. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your body!
- Touch yourself lovingly. Few men I know have ever touch themselves (in the face) or looked in the mirror. Self-intimacy!
- Give yourself a Lingam massage. Don’t masturbate but take your time. Feel your sex, feel the energy. Relax, enjoy.
- Play with your SoE-tools while masturbating. SoE stands for State of Excitement!
- Make love to yourself! Jerking off is something completely different than Lovemaking.
More on tantric sex
Tantra for men “How to become multi-orgasmic”
For men, the first orgasm is easier, but the multi-orgasm is just slightly harder than for women. This is because men generally don’t distinguish between the (peak) orgasm and ejaculation. The peak orgasm is an accumulation of energy in the pelvic floor and a vibration/contraction of the pelvic floor muscles. However, the ejaculation is an automatically triggered body reaction which takes place after the orgasm (as a kind of sneeze). The orgasm is different from ejaculation. There is also a little time between orgasm and ejaculation. This means that for men who wish to climax without ejaculation, by using these tantric techniques (called the State of Excitement tools) is important. More on this can be found in the e-Course “How to become multi-orgasmic (M)“, available in the webshop of OTC. An e-Course full of exercises and comprehensive instructions.
Relax in your sexual energy, last longer!
Learn how to find a partner
When you understand why you long for women chances are that you are much better able to attract one.
When you show yourself to the world as a strong, radiant, loving man, in full communication with yourself, your body, your feelings, your heart … As someone who has something to gíve. Someone who brings love to the world. In your own life and in that of others… Showing yourself like this makes you super attractive to women. For sure, you will find a tantric partner then, to expand your love, more and more.
Tantra for men – sexuality training: e-Courses
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