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Spooning – 10 insights

1. What is spooning?

Spooning is a classic hugging posture in which two people are lying side by side, face the same way. The arms of the person lying behind can cherish the person in front completely. This gives the one in front a wonderful safe – protected – feeling. It is a great way to be intimate together.

The big and the small spoon

The small spoon is the person on the inside and the large spoon is the one at the back/outside. The large spoon is usually physically longer/larger than the small spoon. The large spoon can, therefore, make a full body contact with the small spoon. Not only with the lower part of the body but also by snuggling the upper body against the back of the small spoon.

With or without clothes

For the effect of spooning it does not matter whether you lie together with or without clothes. Spooning with your partner can in both situations I would think. With a somewhat unknown person spooning is a wonderful way to discover intimacy. I would say with the clothes on. Do you both to go more to the sexual side? Well, then you might take off some clothes.

Benefits of spooning:

  • It gives a wonderful body contact, a shared warmth.
  • A feeling of proximity and connection.
  • Gives a very protected feeling, a feeling to be able to protect.
  • A very restful way of being together.
  • Relieves stress because the level of cortisol is reduced.
  • Creates happiness because Oxytocin is produced.
  • Possibility for different sex (tantric sex), even if you are tired.

2. Spooning is like hugging

Spooning and cuddling are very alike. Cuddling is a deep human need. We all need touch. Touch, attention, spooning is like huggingand heart connection have a huge influence on our well-being. By cuddling the body makes Oxytocin, the happiness hormone.

Cherish and caress

We already wrote it, the little spoon gets a wonderful feeling of security and being cherished. The large spoon has one free arm/hand that can enrich, caress and love the small spoon. Together, you can subtly move, you don’t have to lie like you’re dead. Give and receive kisses. Make sounds, whisper sweet words, let all your senses participate. Breath in the neck of your partner with a warm subtle breeze. Mmm, spooning is delicious, wonderful and relaxing.

This way you prevent a numb arm

If your arm is under her/his body, in the long run, it might get uncomfortable. The solution? Make sure the small spoon has a pillow under her/his head. Then your arm can slide under his/her neck, some space for your arm is created.

Wonderful full body contact

3. What sleep positions say about your relationship

There are many ways you can lie down and/or sleep together. Spooning is just one of them. Cosmopolitan has written a nice article about it. About what it means to sleep spooning and 10 other sleeping positions.
Foto: Smulders Textiel


“The most famous sleeping position for couples is of course spooning. When you are spooning, a safe and intimate environment is created. Furthermore, it says a lot who is the big one and who is a small spoon. If the man is the big spoon and the woman the small spoon, the man protects the woman in his sleep and the woman feels safe. It is also a sexual position because the penis lies against the female buttocks. Is the woman the big spoon? This may indicate possessive behavior.”

With your butts against each other

“When you sleep with the faces apart and the butts against each other, you as a couple keep sexual contact without that annoying breath in your face. Furthermore, this sleeping position tells you that you are a strong couple, and that both also need time for their own things. “

Source Cosmopolitan / Smulders Textiel

4. Spooning is great for your relationship

That spooning is good for your relationship is confirmed in various studies. Research shows that couples who are sleeping in spoon position are happier and have a better connection. So put your head on the same pillow as your beloved and lie deliciously together like spoons. Especially in the beginning, it is a great way to help your relationship grow. In times that things are not going so well, it is also a great way to be together without words and without having to look at each other.

Spooning has the following effects:

  • You come to rest (together).
  • You feel more seen and loved.
  • It keeps your relationship more exciting.
  • Is stimulating for your sex life.

#MeToo and the Spoon – Fork theory

You do not always lie in bed together to discover intimacy and/or sexuality. In the case of spoon-fork, one of the parties is not actively involved in the contact. Imagine that a good friend stays over and sleeps with you in one bed. You may not have plans or intentions, but your body has its own agenda. Lust and drifts, that you can resist during the day come instinctively upwards at night when feeling a warm body within reach. The physical reactions (feelings of excitement) may not be preventable. Physical actions, however, áre. Do not let a spoon – fork situation end in a #MeToo story.


5. Play the heart to heart game

If you are spooning, you don’t have to do anything at all, although you cán. A favorite game we offer is the heart to heart game, or making a heart-heart connection. It all starts with a comfortable position with the heart chakra of the large spoon against the back of the small spoon. The focus is on the heart chakra and gradually you synchronize your breathing.

Opposite breathing

In the case of opposite breathing, the large spoon exhales when the small spoon inhales. Thus, you breathe your love from your heart directly into the heart of your partner. The reverse is also delicious. When you breathe in you will receive the love of your partner. If both relax and the breath conducts the energy, it can create a very intense connection.

Breathe in sync

When breathing together, you breathe in and out simultaneously. You can imagine all kinds of things, but our favorite is that we lie in a warm wave of love. At our in-breath, love flows through our heart chakras from front to back. On the exhalation, it flows from back to front. Of course, this gives a wonderful feeling of solidarity. Together in the waves, together in the ocean of love.

6. Play the sexual energy game

If you play the energy game with sexual energy then it goes just a little bit different. Here too, you don’t have to “do” much, just let it all happen. The genitals of the one in the back presses against the bum of the one in front. Generally, excitement automatically arises and the male big spoon gets stiff after a while. If the little spoon plays a little bit and moves her/his buttocks, well then things will go a little faster.

Move your energy

Just like with the heart to heart game you can also “steer” your sexual energy. If you both focus on the lower body and the big spoon pushes -on his (her) exhalation –  her (his) sexual energy forward, the breathing becomes hot. Small movements of the pelvis thus enable a quiet, subtle energetic penetration game. Energy that penetrates, energy that embraces. Mmm… delicious.

Spooning often leads to boners

7. Spooning is delicious as a foreplay

It will be clear that spooning can lead to sex. Tantric sex can be done with or without physical penetration. What starts out as nice cuddling, lying relaxed together, can ultimately become a great party. The physical penetration goes automatically, you can say. If you keep the energetic connection during sex, spooning-sex is great and can last for a long time. Every time the excitement gets too big and there is a tendency to move more (thrusts), you do the opposite, i.e. less movement. Your State of Excitement (SoE) drops a bit. Playing with the SoE tools (breath / movement / focus / PC muscle / energy flow) is an important element in tantric sex. See the course Tantric Sex explained.

8. Spooning in the Buddha Field

spooning in the buddhafieldSpooning together is great, but what do you think if you lie down with a whole group like that? E.g. in a tantra workshop? Wow, the energy that flows through you is huge. Together you come into synchronicity. Your energy is also boosted by the other. Precisely because there is wonderful safety, the body can completely surrender to the flow.

9. Spooning – cuddle workshop

Some 20 years ago the first cuddle workshops came from Los Angeles. Tantric Netherlands was not quite ready for that … Now, in the year 2018, lots of cuddle workshops are offered and even individual cuddling sessions. Some without sexuality, some with sexuality. In particular, these workshops are safe experimental sessions. They are also sessions where the human need for body contact can be fully satisfied.

Impressie cuddle workshop by Wilrieke Sophia and Sebastiaan

10. Spooning is great after lovemaking

As foreplay, as completion… Spooning is delicious after your lovemaking. To make a heart-to-heart connection. To have a good time with each other. Quietly caressing, enjoying the afterglow. And of course, falling asleep together … You may not have to lie together all night, but it is wonderful to fall asleep together. And even if one of the partners stays awake (usually the big spoon), no problem. Slowly pull your arm away from under your partner and choose your own position to doze off.

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10 insights on spooning

Hi, my name is Solana. Tantra is important for me, because it makes my life so beautiful. I learned to live my life with an open heart. Sharing love make the world a better place ❤ I enjoy life! Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. Satori and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now we share our love ánd wisdom in our online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See or .nl

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