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Sex, love, and ecstasy
Sex, love, and ecstasy. The longing to be together, also or especially sexually, to become óne together, stems from the spiritual need to return to the oneness of creation, the oneness in yourself. As the sexual energy between your bodies flows and merges, your lovemaking becomes an experience of deep intimacy, in which you can even experience ecstasy.
Your heart is the gateway to a happy life. In your heart is the center of your being, it is the seat of love. This article is part of a series of articles about the heart and love.
The series consists of the following articles:
What is ecstasy
For me, words like “delightful” and “blissful” give a nice impression of what I mean by ecstasy. When you go googling on the word ecstasy, you will find answers such as: “a trance or trance-like state in which a person transcends normal consciousness or “to be or stand outside oneself in euphoria”.
In our view, however, it is a conscious state of being alright, but not outside oneself. Because it is a state of being that brings you completely into contact with your source (soul), with that which you really are. When you are in contact with your source, you are in deep contact with your true self, with that which you really are. And in that state of being you are not separate, you are one. One with yourself, one with life, and conscious one with All. But many people don’t recognize that state of being (anymore) as inside themselves, as their true state of being. And therefore they seek it outside of themselves.
Ecstasy is therefore in our opinion: ‘the blissful state of the deepest connection with yourself and (thus) with the All!”
Ecstasy through your senses
One way to experience ecstasy is through the use of your senses. Your senses are the gates that connect you to the outside world. If what you see in the outside world, what you hear, taste, smell and feel, if you experience this very conscious, then that can take on a whole new dimension. Ecstasy happens when you create a conscious connection with all perceptions directly from/with your heart. When you let everything you see penetrate into your heart. Look, feel, see, smell and listen with your heart.
Sensing from the heart
Your heart transforms everything in love. So if you look with your heart everything you see in the outside world is of an extraordinary beauty. You see all the beautiful things in the world. And then really look at that beauty. Go totally into it. For example, look a wave, very conscious, focused and intense. See how beautifully this wave comes rolling in, rises, turns. Focus on that tipping point, how wonderful is that! Look very consciously and go totally into it. For a moment there is nothing else in the whole world except this beautiful wave. What you then experience, can be a deep sense of delight, of bliss in that beauty, bliss just as it is. Ecstasy!
You can use áll your senses this way. And every observation can be just as special as this, at any moment. If you are in the world/in life this way, it can change your life!
Sex and ecstasy
You can experience ecstasy if you can be in a state of supreme energy and the same time remain very relaxed. You then simultaneously experience a high degree of energy and a deep sense of inner peace. Then you experience a state of ecstatic joy. Sexual energy is a basic life energy, which we all know, a form of energy that you can feel, feed, grow and let flow in your lovemaking. So if you feel and nurture that energy, if you let it flow through your whole body, then you can feel that ecstatic joy in all the cells of your body. For that, it is important that you don’t let this energy level get so high that you totally disappear into it. It’s important that you remain conscious and stay relaxed in it, so that you don’t discharge this energy (tension) in a short orgasm.
The more energy, the better your sex life, the happier
So start in your love game by mobilizing that sexual energy; awakening, freeing and letting it flow. Learn to free the energy flow, to make it bigger ánd to relax in it. When you start making love, sexual energy will build up in the form of excitement. Use áll your senses. Not just moving/feeling in your lower body… Look each other in the eye, say nice things, and hear them! Caress, feel, kiss, taste! And let that energy rise to an even higher level! Play with your bodies, play with the energy. Let the energy grow wonderfully. Excitement, lust, pleasure. Enjoy it, from the sex, from the flow in your body. The more energy, the better, let your energy level rise until you no longer know what happens to you. You completely disappear and you might also have a nice orgasm. Ecstasy for a moment…
For a moment, and then it’s over
And well, delicious, right? What, a bit short? The traditional 11-minute sex? Enjoy it, as much as you can. But also know that more is possible. Making a lot of energy ánd relaxing it, makes it possible to enjoy it extensively, and make it last much longer. Expanding that short moment of orgasm into a state of bliss, of ecstasy. You can do that by recharging the (sexual) tension, and then… relax. Relax and spread the energy from your sex to your heart, through your whole body, and… make love!!
How to relax in this high state of energy?
How do you do that, relaxing when there is so much energy, so when you are so excited? And how do you make short ordinary sex to a long lovemaking? How can you relax? And how do you spread that energy through your bodies? There are quite a few ways to accomplice that. Here are a few, so you can do one or a few of the following things.
In sex, most of the time there is a lot of movement, thrusting, arching the back, moving your bodies to meet each other. This way excitement grows even more, but awareness diminishes. Excitement creates tension. So if you want to relax, stop moving (so much). Stop “doing” for a moment. Just stay close and because you don’t move, your awareness increases and you can focus on and feel the sexual energy much better, even without doing anything.
Look your partner lovingly in the eyes
Hopefully, sex is not only a meeting of your bodies, the enjoyment of your lust, but also a meeting of your hearts. It does not have to be your life-long partner, it can be a meeting in the moment. Tantra is for freedom, but also for love that can flow to anyone, anytime, anywhere. So let it be a loving gathering. And let that also be shown. Look lovingly in each other’s eyes. Let the other person see and feel that you are present and with love. Let love flow out of your eyes. And then also see love in your partner’s eyes.
Put your hand on the heart of your partner
By putting your hand on the heart of your partner, magical things can happen. So bring your attention to the heart and/or the heart chakra. Possibly you can make a soft, caressing movement around the heart. That helps your partner, even more, to bring the focus there, and if necessary to open the heart. In this way, you also bring peace and relaxation. And you create even more room for love.
Move energy along with your breath
Another way to relax is a very nice one. You move your energy with the help of your breath. Breath very consciously from your lower body. Just imagine that you breathe in down there and then exhale, exhale, up, to the heart, to all the cells in your body. If you do that very consciously, then you spread the energy all over the body. Energy flows where your attention goes. So if you bring your attention from your lower body, from your lust to your heart, to love, then the energy follows your attention. And try to do that also on the body of your partner.
Caress the body with long strokes
Possibly you can also support the movement of your/the energy flow. Stroke, or rather: stroking, with your hand very lightly over your own body, or over the body of your partner. From the bottom to the top, all over the body. By spreading the energy, as you can image, the local tension in your lower body decreases and thus more relaxation is created.
Keep it simple
You don’t have to do all these techniques at once. Don’t make it too complicated. Play with it, choose what suits you in the moment. These tips give you the opportunity to continue to feel the energy, but also to relax in a high energy situation.
From sex to love, the transformation
Try it out. Discover what works for you/you both, and feel what it does for you. These tips give you the opportunity to continue to feel the energy, but also to relax. And with that, you create space. The space for the possibility to fully enjoy sex (lust), but also to enjoy love. In that space, you can transform the energy flow: from lust to love.
A few more ways to contribute to this – after you have become more relaxed – follow hereafter.
From lust to Love
Breathe from your own heart to the heart of your partner
You may have already tried what it is like bringing sexual energy from your sex to your heart, and/or to do this together with your sex-love partner. The energy doesn’t stay below, in your lower body/sex, but you spread the energy to the heart, and then of course also throughout the whole body.
Now use your breath, not just to breathe from sex to heart, use it to breathe from heart to heart. Look your partner lovingly in the eye and then: take a breath, into your own heart. Feel the love of your heart and then exhale and send a stream of love to the heart of your partner.
Sharing is multiplying
During lovemaking, there’s enough energy and by dispersing it, it doesn’t get any less, but it touches other places in your body. Your heart also absorbs the energy, and does its transformative work: the heart absorbs the sexual energy and adds love to it. Lust becomes love. Because love only knows abundance, it does not get any less, but it only gets more.
Enjoy the LoveSwing – breathe together with your partner
With your exhalation, you send all your love to your partner. Of course, you can also do this together, at the same time. Breathe together, in the same rhythm, but opposite. If one breathes in, the other breathes out. The one gives love, the other receives love. And vice-versa. So you breathe love to each other, you breathe each other’s love in and out. Feel how your hearts are flooding !!
By and by you gently and slowly transform the sexual excitement into a wave of bliss. The ecstasy you experience does not feel like the violent, turbulent waves of the sea of sexual passion, but the gentle swell of the endless ocean in which the sun is reflected. A state, a state of being, in which you merge into ONE in a state of deep connection and delight.
Heart orgasm – heart and ecstasy
All the energy that comes together in the heart can lead to an overwhelming experience in the form of a heart orgasm. How that is experienced (and explained) can be different. For me, it is a vibration in my heart and a deep experience of something that transcends the physical and goes above the emotion of love. It is a pure feeling that is difficult to express. Just as ‘ecstasy’ can’t be explained, you can only experience it. Women may experience this more easily/more often than men, but hopefully, the above exercises also help them to be more and more in their heart, and to experience the love and ecstasy of the heart.
Devotion and ecstasy
Bring sacredness into your sex-loving life
By adding an element of sacredness to sex and love, it becomes more than satisfying your own needs and pleasure. Then it is not only a purely physical thrust but a connection with the life energy itself.
This connection with the life energy, with life itself, is also the state of being during the orgasm. Even if you may not be aware of it at that moment, it does not matter. Tantra teaches Lovers to attune to each other, to come on the same wavelength. Sexual energy is a raw, instinctual primal energy. Tantra teaches you to transform that energy. At the level of the heart, it becomes love. From lust to love. And on an even higher level, it is refined and transformed into ecstasy. Sexual energy is thus the raw material for love and ecstasy.
See the divine nature within yourself and each other
If you consciously make love, bring conscious delights and love together, as then your (male and female) energies melt together, a new dimension is created, a “sacred feeling”. You can then experience your own and each other’s divine nature. More over, you can see yourself and your partner as the beautiful god or goddess that he is. You can see that he/she is perfect, just as he is. And then it’s your soul’s desire to love and honor the god (in) in your partner.
And that means that you can pass by the boundaries of your own personality/ego… If you can see the divine in the other, you can also see it in yourself. The other reflects your divine nature. If you see and acknowledge that divine nature within you, then something changes. That evokes a sense of commitment. Then it is no longer about you, your lust, what you need, no … that is not even there anymore. You go completely for that beautiful god (in), you want to do everything for him/her. Not because you have to, but because that’s what you prefer.
This devotion, completely ignoring your own ego, removes every pressure from your lovemaking, your being together. You can just be wonderfully “aimless” together, there is nothing you want to have or want to do anymore. There are no expectations, no obligations, no sacrifice. Your gathering is totally demand-free. Then your connection rises above the physical and above conditional love. Then you feel completely in love with your partner and together with/through your partner-connected to all that lives and is. There is only pure love, a state of bliss-ful being together. Being together. “Only” BE, that is a blissful, ecstatic state of being. A state that is your origin and your destination.
Deepening in sex, love, and ecstasy
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Hopefully, this article appeals to you. Of course, this is too short to go very exhaustively on the subject. The path of love, from the transformation from lust to love, the tantric way of loving and intense (other) togetherness, is so extensive, we would like to tell you more about that.
Exercises and tips to play with your state of excitement during intercourse, to be wonderfully excited at the same time and to relax (on time): you can find these in the course How to become multi-orgasmic.
Meditations and exercises, but especially doing a lot of together, together with wonderfully tantric sex, in that we accompany you in the course Tantric sex explained.
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