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Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

State of Excitement (SoE)

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation. There are many tantra sex techniques in Tantra. See the specific article tantra sex techniques for this. Regulating your State of Excitement (SvE) is one of the most important techniques in tantric sex. The use of the SvE tools has two important consequences. Firstly, the whole body can be orgasmically charged and secondly, this state of being, lasts much longer than in normal sex. Tantric sex can take hours and several (body and/or heart) orgasms are possible.

On the way to a natural, ecstatic state of BEING

Tantra sex has no ‘purpose’, other than to enjoy the journey, a long time of tantric sex, of being together. Tantric sex, tantra massage, tantra meditation, all tantra (sex) techniques, all “work” in the same direction: to “bring” practitioners into a natural, ecstatic state of BEING. Tantra sex is, therefore, just like tantra massage, aimed at activating, dispersing and transforming sexual energy. The effect is often a wonderfully long physical, mental well-being. You are usually very relaxed, wonderful (orgasmic) alive and you end up (together) in your body, your heart, and in higher spheres.

See also the key article tantric sex explained.

Longer sex by avoiding the Point of No Return

Tantra sex, playing with your SoE tools, you can do alone (during masturbation) or together with a partner. Normal sex usually leads to a rapid discharge in the orgasm (of the man). Masturbation – certainly by men – is quick and efficient (minutes work), an average free party takes about 11 minutes (!). Three to five minutes after penetration there is often ejaculation. The discharge is there, there is a moment of orgasmic experience and then it is done. Because women often need more time to get warm and excited, many women remain frustrated after having sex. And that is not at all necessary.

Play with your SoE tools

By playing with SoE you can avoid the Point of No Return for a long time. That isn’t necessary, but it is possible. If you want to make love for a longer period of time, play with your SoE tools. Every time your SoE gets (too) high, you blow off some steam. Your SoE goes up, but can also go down again by playing with movement, with your breathing, with your PC muscle, your focus and your energy (see below). Sex becomes tantra sex and one big long energetic (foreplay) game. The focus on orgasm as a goal is becoming less, enjoying BE-ING together is coming more and more the central theme.

SoE = State of Excitement

Last longer in sex by not ejaculating

There is another big advantage for men playing with your SoE and especially by playing with your PC muscle. If you observe well, feel more, you will notice that there is a short space (time) between the moment of orgasm and your ejaculation. The more you pay attention to it (becoming more body conscious), the longer it seems to last. Ejaculation is nothing more than an automatic muscle reflex so that your semen is shot outside. By tightening your PC muscle very tightly just before / during your orgasm, ejaculation can be prevented. You first have to train your PC muscle. Follow the link, if you want an explanation about this. And see the e-course How to become multi-orgasmic if you are interested in becoming a multi-orgasmic man.

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation - train your PC muscle

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

SoE tools

There are several ‘SoE tools’ for regulating your excitement and ejaculation:

Movement: more or less doing / moving / stimulation.
PC muscle: to tighten soft/strongly or for a short/long period of time.
Breathing: faster or slower and/or deeper breathing.
Focus: change your focus / shift your attention.
Upward pull: consciously distributing/raising your energy.

We will discuss this below. In the e-course How to become multi-orgasmic a whole program is included to teach you how to play with your state of excitement. That (learning) play is suitable for both men, women, and couples.

Women are already multi-orgasmic by nature. Unfortunately, there are still many women who do not know the (multi-) orgasm. We recommend the theme course (Re) discover your sexuality. This course is also suitable for men who want more contact with their orgasmic potential.

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

SoE tool 1. Movement: do / move more / less

We are so used to do/move a lot during sex. Has it ever occurred to you that sometimes you can also stop doing/moving and very relaxed witness (feel) to where and how your energy moves? You can regulate your SoE by adjusting the tempo of your movements. Less movement often gives less friction, so the excitement can also drop a little, more movement gives more excitement. Slow down, relax: take some rest and breathers during your lovemaking.

SoE tool 2. PC muscle: tightening for a short or long time

The tightening/contraction of your PC muscle during lovemaking or masturbation has the effect that your SoE falls. The energy flow is, as it were, slowed down a bit, brought to a standstill. Short pulsations, however (along with short inhalation) usually gives more excitement. If you contract for a long time, along with a long in-breathing (up), you SoE will drop. In short, there are many options that affect your lovemaking, so train your PC muscle. Play with it and find out how that works for you!

SoE tool 3. Breathing: faster/slower and/or deeper breathing

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation - SoE tool - BreathingAs your excitement rises, you automatically breathe faster and shallower. We all know it: when the climax approaches, we usually make more noise and breathe (together) very quickly. If you adjust your breathing very consciously, by breathing slower, by breathing in very deep a few times, your SoE will fall. Note the speed and depth of your breathing. First, you observe it, then you can experiment with it and feel what it does to you.

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

SoE tool 4. Focus: Change your focus / shift your attention

From fantasy to feeling your body/heart

Men like to fantasize. Fantasies can cause a lot of excitement. I am not asking you to give up your fantasies, but I am telling you that if you shift your focus from your imagination (head) to your heart, your excitement will usually drop. Of course, you can have fantasies during sex and masturbation. Sometimes sex is even a acting out of your imagination. However, by changing your focus to your body you can regulate your SoE. Instead of staying in your fantasy, you start to feel your body more and focus on your heart. Try it. Focus and breathe to your heart and experience that your SoE drops.

From your gender to your heart

Another focus change is to shift the focus you have on your gender to your heart (and vice versa). You bring your focus from your zest for life to your joy of life. This will change your SoE, because: where your focus goes, your energy flows.

Note: in all cases of focus change we assume that you are present in the here and now. Don’t dream away in your imagination. The focus on your heart does not mean you are no longer there, always STAY PRESENT.

So whether the hot fire of lust or the warm glow of love

A subtle but important difference.

SoE tool 5. Energy: the upward pull

Urge to discharge

A similar option, yet different, is the visualization that you consciously raise your sexual energy to your heart. Increasing excitement is nothing more than increasing energy (tension) around your gender and in your lower body. You can feel that energy (tension) very well. Energy wants to move, your body wants to get rid of the tension and that is why a high state of excitement inevitably leads to an urge to discharge.

Don’t discharge, but recharge

However, you can prevent local accumulation of energy by dispersing it throughout your body. Don’t quickly unload, but just charge yourself. If you recognize local tension in time, you can choose other options than discharge. Through visualization, through your breathing, through stroking movements, by relaxing, you can bring the sexual energy in an upward direction. In this way, you are consciously spreading your energy. The tension in your loin will decrease and thus the SoE will also decrease.

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

Visualization (focus)

There are tantric experts who do not want you to visualize or fantasize. Also, stimulation by watching porn is usually regarded as taboo. As far as I am concerned, it is okay, as long as you keep your presence and keep feeling. Stay alert, stay present! If you lose contact with your body, with your energy, with your feeling, you miss the whole meaning of tantra and tantra sex.

For the body, it does not matter how the excitement is caused. Your body is just getting excited. Play with your SoE and remember that’s what matters. Being able to play with your State of Excitement.

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation

What next?

Playing with the SoE tools is a nice part of tantra sex. For those who are interested in tantra sex, there are several options to go further:

Read more

Tantra sex for beginners
Tantra massage tips

Back to the key article Tantric sex explained

(re)discover your sexuality

Take a course

(Re)discover your sexuality

How to become multi-orgasmic

Conscious Loving Sex in 3 weeks (Tantric sex)


Regulate your excitement and ejaculation - multi-orgasmic

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation, powered by Satori and Solana

Regulate your excitement and ejaculation
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Hi, my name is Satori. You could say that I am enjoying life very much. Always looking at the bright side. My passion and lifestyle is tantra. Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. My wife and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now retired, but we have online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See or .NL

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