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Orgasmic meditation (OM)
What is it
Orgasmic meditation (OM) or OMing is a term coined by Nicole Daedone and Robert Kandell to signify a mindfulness practice in which the object of meditation is to finger to genital contact. Orgasmic meditation is practiced in pairs, with one practitioner stroking the genitals of the other, and both focusing their attention on the sensation with the stated goal of developing connective resonance between them. Although the practitioners can be of either sex, the focus of orgasmic meditation seems to be on the female orgasm through subtle and deliberate stimulation of the clitoris (see Wikipedia on orgasmic meditation).
15 minutes caress
So orgasmic meditation is a sequenced practice in which one partner gently strokes the woman’s clitoris (or glans) for 15 minutes. The result is said to be therapeutic, rather than sexual. The “stroking” allegedly activates the limbic system and releases a flood of oxytocin. Essentially, it’s when your defenses are down and your mind is totally quiet.
Body-hack to happiness
For women only?
It seems that OM is for women only. There’s a lot going on on the Internet. Yes, it’s true the Oming is designed for women but it’s also for men. Why not? It’s all about feeling and releasing the orgasmic potential. It’s all about being in and listening to your body (and at the same time being OUT of your head). So men can also explore… Explore your body, your bodily sensations, becoming more and more sensitive. Know however that OM is mostly about women receiving.
What is needed
OM seems like a new sex game, but it’s not. You could say it’s a tantric approach to happiness It’s all about consciousness and bodily sensory activation. To get connected with this formless space where happiness awaits for you. Like in many tantra exercises consciousness is key.
Full attention – full consciousness
OM is something you do with full awareness. Both partners are totally focussed. If you stroke/caress you are PRESENT. Not only with your partner, but also with the sensation of stroking. Feeling what is happening. If you’re being stroked/caressed, your ultimate challenge is just to relax and FEEL. OM is aimless, there’s no need to go anywhere. No climax is needed or aimed for. It’s not lustful, it’s not sexual.
Trust – relaxation
Basic trust is important in intimacy, in sexuality, in connecting with each other. Trust is needed to open up and let your mind rest for a while. The state that OM is striving for relies on relaxation, opening up and letting go. So that’s why you distinguish between sex on OM. That’s why the safe-port rule is there. That’s why Loving Presence is needed.
If there is trust, you can concentrate on the sensation of being touched instead of worrying what the other is thinking or wants (you) to do.
Let your body talk – feel
Getting out of the head (thinking) into feeling. When we think about orgasm, we think of excitement, heavy movement, moaning and, a huge peak and release of energy. But sexual (a woman’s) arousal can be so much more subtle. So start feeling, become more sensitive – without trying… You can tune into it through swelling, juices, contractions of the vaginal walls, pulsing, buzzing, tingling, and so many other sensations. Men can really feel their glans, feel their balls (separately).
“If your body is ‘tired and wired’,
go for an orgasmic meditation”
Preparation & positioning
Make a “nest”
Making a comfortable place for your partner is absolutely necessary. Have a mattress or yoga mat ready and use a lot of pillows. Make sure that your partner can lay down comfortably and relax. You yourself sit on a (meditation) cushion on the side, one leg over your lap. OM can be done in pairs, but also in bigger groups. Then you make a circle, all “strokers” facing inward.
As said, OM isn’t sexual. Always make a distinction between having sex and doing OM. Always finish the OM. The stroker also stays fully clothed. The one laying down is undressed from the waist down, so half naked.
Proper sitting and laying down are important. Take some time to relax before you start. Make your “nest” (tantric temple), and the woman lays down and opens her legs. The partner sits on a cushion on her right side, his (her) left leg over the laying partner, his right leg supporting her left leg. During the OM the stoker places his right thumb at the edge of her introitus (the opening of her vagina) and the tip of his left index finger on her clit at the 8 o’clock spot.
If it’s a male, then the right thumb is at the edge of the anus and the left index finger on the front side of the glans. The subject is encouraged to give ‘adjustments,’ detailing if she/he wants the stroker to move a little to the left or to apply less pressure. Don’t apologize, just ask, after which the stroker is supposed to say ‘Thank you.’
How to do it
OM is done through a particular sequence of steps. If you want to learn OM, please do a workshop, it’s not something you can learn from this article. That said however there are rules and there’s protocol. First, without invitation, there’s no OM. So it all starts with asking to get an OM. After that, you make your nest and get into position. Then one partner looks at the vagina/glans and gives feedback (using ‘non-value’ terms )about what he/she sees. Whatever happens next, there is what OM-ers call safe-port.
The stroker always says first what he/she is going to do. AND you wait for permission. After grounding (firm holding down), 13 minutes of stroking begins. There are different strokes and if the sensation of a stroke wears off, there’s a chance of stroke (always with safe-port!). There is an ongoing communication during the stroking about what’s okay, nice or preferable. The last 2 minutes of OM are spent with grounding again and share frames. That is sharing at least one bodily sensory experience.
“I’m gonna touch your pussy now,” he says. In every OM, before the stroker puts his finger on your clit, he gives you a heads-up called “safe-porting.”
The whole point of OM is to get into an orgasmic state. This is like a bodily experience similar of the of orgasm but it lasts longer and it is also a total body experience. If you go deeper even the body is forgotten and it becomes a space where time and place cease to exist. When this happens, our sense of limitations and separation falls away. In the orgasm state, we feel totally present and connected. We feel oneness, separation disappeared.
No climax needed
Sure during orgasmic meditation climaxing is possible but not needed. The orgasmic state isn’t about climaxing. It’s about a deep relaxation and letting go. It’s about letting your body talk the way it wants. And your body lives in the NOW. When your sexual energy is released and flows, your life energy gets a boost also. This is possible without climaxing. If you have (multiple) orgasms, it’s okay. If you don’t, it’s okay also. There’s no goal, nothing to strive for. Be present and sensitive. Then just relax, trust your body and let go.
Long term effects
OM, just like tantra has some remarkable effects. Since OM is so easy and accessible it’s something you can do/repeat regularly. It activates your sexual energy, bring you life energy. It’s a way to end the suppression of your sexual energy. By doing the OM you also come to recognize your (sexual) desires. It’s okay.
– OM makes you become aware of your suppressing conditioning.
– Reduces guilt and blame.
– Boosts your confidence.
– Activates your sexual energy.
– Makes you more sensitive to your body and preferences.
– Enhanced (couples) sex lives
Interested? Join us!
Do a free Kundalini meditation
On this website, you can do several free guided meditation online. If you like them, you can buy and download them (and other meditations) to listen offline. That way you can be supported whenever / wherever you are. In the car driving home from work. On a lazy Sunday afternoon, or whenever you need a little Love or want to give some.
Do an OM yourself!
Orgasmic meditation is probably a registered trademark. So we can’t and won’t offer you an OM. What we can do however is promise you a similar experience! In our e-Course Re-discover your Sexuality we have incorporated a look alike OM. You don’t need a partner, however. It’s a do-it-yourself meditation. Solana guides you through the steps.
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