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Intimacy exercises for couples
The art of being present, open, sensitive and willing to meet
Intimacy exercises are exercises where love and consciousness plays an important part in building an intimate connection. It is very important that you (both) are present, open, sensitive and willing to meet (yourself or) each other. Key to successful intimate exercises is that there is a supportive and safe environment. The most important part of a relationship (your home) is that it creates an inviting and safe place. A warm place where you can relax, a place that is secure. A place where you can lower your defense systems and show the real you.
You will find (then) that the possibilities for intimacy exercises are endless. Intimate exercises can be found in every area of your life and relationship. Intimate connections can involve mental intimacy, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy and/or energetic (love) intimacy from the heart. Sometimes being intimate also involves sexuality. In this article, however, that’s out of scope.
Basic intimacy exercises for couples
We start with exercises that build an intimate connection with a partner. As said, being present, open, sensitive and willing to meet is important. In fact, if this is true, you already have an intimate connection. Being together with awareness! Let us present the basics of intimacy exercises.
1. Being together with awareness
Be present. Try to completely be with your partner. Sit together, walk together, talk to each other consciously. It doesn’t matter that much what you dó as long as you are totally present. Sure, if you do something you both like, that’s even better. But you can even be present in a quarrel. Maybe a quarrel is a great example of intimate connection, because you are – at least during the quarrel – truly together. So be present in the here and now. If you wander off, bring yourself back to the now.
2. Being together emotionally
Love is a beautiful feeling. The ultimate intimate connection is when you are together in the love-vibe. Being open, however, means that you feel and express all your feelings. Any feeling. So if you’re angry, ok, allow yourself to be angry. You don’t have to act angry. Just be angry and show, share that energy with your partner. Sharing your emotional state is an intimate exercise. Be angry, sad, disappointed, happy, heavenly and share it.
3. Being together physically
Touch is an underestimated phenomenon. Intimacy has much to do with merging energy fields. If you are near each other, you get influenced by the energy field of your partner. You could say you align, which give an intimate feeling. Being physically together will ease of emotions. It’s the nearness of an other human being that gives us reassurance and safety. So try to touch. Make you touch as loving as you can. Hold hands, touch a neutral body part of your partner. Sit together in silence and touch. If you feel that a caress is appropriate, then caress. However, do as little as possible.
4. Being together lovingly
As said being together in the love-vibe is the ultimate intimate connection. So go to your heart. Focus and meditate on love. There are simple ways to do this. Try the (free) simple heart meditation, let us guide you. Get inspired by other heart meditations. The key message is to find your way to your heart and the love that is there. Whatever works for you. If you need time, take your time. If you need your private space, take it. But if you return, if you connect with your partner, be as loving as you can be. Focus on love. Relax, breath into your heart and connect.
5. Being together
The deepest connection possible between two people is when the ego disappears. Being present, being in a loving state, looking each other in the eye makes the world disappear. Time and place are irrelevant. Love is all there is. Souls are meeting… All layers of dust and conditioning are gone. All obstacles can be removed in a split second. That is what tantra is all about. Maybe this sounds unbelievable, but it is possible. I would say, follow the tantric path.
Intimacy is felt, becomes conscious through the mind. We become aware of the intimate feeling through the mind. The mind, however, is not the place where intimacy is built. Off course there is mental intimacy, but talking seldom creates intimacy. It’s the other way round. When you feel intimate with someone, you open up, talk and find the mental connection (because of shared ideas e.g.). So be aware: intimate exercises are mostly “performed” in silence.
Be present, do less (almost nothing), touch, share your energy, go to your heart, be together, feel the intimate connection.
Top 10 intimacy exercises for couples
In the above, we spoke of intimacy exercises in general terms. This section gives you our top 10 favorites. Maybe your top 10 is different, well just find out. Read the text or watch the video.
1. Shared heart meditation
When Solana and I meet, we always like to start with a heart meditation. We do this together, but separately. This way you relax, center yourself and become lovingly. We prepare for meeting each other. The energy in and around us changes. The busy day fades out. The love-vibe is coming in. Try the guided simple heart meditation for this.
2. Eye gazing
Eye gazing is the tantric phrase for looking at each other. We make eye contact. We sit still on the couch facing each other and looking at each other. You (we) keep your eyes soft but focussed. Look in the left eye, look in the right eye after a while. Try not to blink, but don’t torture yourself. Stay present, notice the difference. Don’t make it an effort, relax. relax your face. Enjoy each others company. Many things can happen, be open to it.
3. Synchronized breathing
Breathing together does wonders. Intimacy is all about alignment, sharing the same space, the same energy, the same vibration… So whether you sit, lie, walk together, try to get your breathing in sync. When I say try, I don’t mean that you do a big effort. No, just let it happen. Be aware of how your partner is breathing and let your own breathing slide into that rhythm. You could either breathe the same way (simultaneous in and out) or synchronized. Synchronized breathing happens when you breathe in when your partner breathes out. And vice versa.
Another great way to intimately connect is through a hug. A hug is an embrace where the whole body (and soul) participates. You have body contact all over. Every part of your body is included. All your energy is involved. Be still, don’t tap each other on the back as truck drivers do. Also, connect your pelvis/sex. Hearts may connect, but your sex may also connect. It’s not sexual unless you make it sexual. It’s opening up, showing yourself. Dare to go all the way.
5. Loving touch
Have you noticed that lovers always hold hands? They love physical contact. Why? Well, that’s because every touch is a loving touch. Doctors touch functional, tantric partners touch lovingly. So touch your partner with love. Connect your hands with your heart. Let your fingers be an expression, an instrument of love. Caress a hand, fondle the cheek. Touch all the body-parts of your partners with awareness, care, love… Make it a sensual journey, an intimate, loving encounter.
6. Sitting Shiva Shakti
Sitting Shiva Shakti (see picture) is our biggest intimacy booster. It can be combined with eye gazing, synchronized breathing, loving touch, hugging, so many things. It’s a basic tantric couples position during tantric meditation. If you do our guided couples meditations, you can experience the bliss of energy flowing and tapping into energy circuits. The body is enormously intelligent. So just sit, relax and let happen what wants to happen. You will be surprised.
There is an extended description of the LoveSwing available if you like, just follow the link. In essence, it’s breathing from heart to heart. You can make a deep intimate connection by giving and receiving love. Be fully present, open your heart and overwhelm so to speak your partner with love. Also, dare to take in love… Receive the infinite love of your partner.
The Namasté is a gorgeous Eastern custom to honor your partner. It’s a simple gesture that, when performed right, has an enormous impact. With this gesture you say: ‘I see and greet the Buddha in you’. It’s a gesture that strongly communicates that you see your partner as the divine, perfect being (s)he is.
9. Sharing your now
Yet another great exercise on intimacy for couples. ‘Sharing your now!’ This is not talking about tomorrow or yesterday. Not even about today. It’s really about the NOW. One after the other you share with your partner how you feel. NOW, at this moment.
Feelings and emotions can be very complex. Different feelings can be there. You can be happy and sad at the same time. Sharing your now strengthens your body-awareness, because your body is where you feel things. Do you feel happy and tired? There can be an endless stream of feelings in the now. Try it and feel how it gives intimacy a boost.
10. Lips touching
I know that this is very close to sexuality but stay with me. Chinees rub the noses together as a deep intimate gesture. If you bring your faces close to each other something mysterical happens. You enter each others energy field in a manner that is only suitable for intimate relationships. So bring your faces close, lips almost touching. Relax and breathe together. Look lovingly, soften, relax. Feel the (polarized) energy fields merging. Slowly, slowly let your lips touch. Keep on breathing…
99 ways of creating an intimate connection
As I said before, there are numerous ways to get intimate. Look around and be aware of opportunities. Turn off the TV and your smartphone and focus on happiness. You will find ways to build a more intimate connection with your partner. Life is full of intimate exercises. Life is one big journey towards the ultimate intimate connection. An intimate connection with yourself, with your partner, with the world. Follow the tantric path and you will enjoy many of them. To get you started with hopefully inspiring examples, check the “exercises” below.
- Look for connection
- Look lovingly
- Act lovingly
- Do a 5-minute check-in
- Flow dance together
- Enjoy spooning
- Caress the face of your partner
- Find a physical way to cherish your partner (safety)
- Wash your partner
- Caress your partner top to bottom
Creating an intimate connection
- Massage your partner
- Tell you secret desires
- Give positive feedback
- Tell all the things you’re grateful for
- Breathe together
- Look at each other from top to toe
- Do an inquiry on intimacy
- Remove obstacles for intimacy
- Take a conscious walk together – sync
- Cook together
- Enjoy a romantic meal together
- Watch a romantic movie
- Explore the hands
- Make love to a shoulder
- Share sweet memories
- Play with your senses
- Make a temple of intimacy
- Do something nice/special together
- Achieve something together
- Cheek to cheek
- Express gratitude
- Do same intimacy training for couples
Check it out
Intimacy exercises, powered by Solana and Satori