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Intimacy and sexuality (in your life / relationship)

Mental / emotional click

Intimacy and sexualityIntimacy and sexuality are not the same. There are different areas in which you can meet: mentally, emotionally, physically, in the heart and at the soul level. As the connection between two people grows, the number of areas where you “match” usually increases. Although it can also be different (think for example of the lightning flash of falling in love), we first discover each other mentally and/or with words. You see something or someone and somewhere in your brain, a “click” occurs. You like what you see and attract you, or vice versa, you dislike or you feel repelled. If a situation or someone attracts you, you usually make the first contact with (Facebook) words. You have a chat and you feel whether there is a further click. Joint ideas, shared interests, opinions, values, all that can give a click, that gives intimacy. That click feeling, the expanding (warm and opening) feeling of connection, that is intimacy.


Intimacy is a sense of openness, recognition, a sense of belonging.
Connection with yourself and/or a match with one or more people.
Intimacy is about you being allowed to be and remain completely yourself in the connection.


Physical / energetic click

If you talk together, are together, do things together, then that also provides an in-depth connection on an energetic and/or emotional level. Laughing together, crying together, being “In the winning mood” together. Joint physical activity (sport fraternizes) gives intimacy. Maybe afterward you also make physical contact one-on-one. If you shake someone’s hand, stand shoulder to shoulder, dance together, or in an embrace, you also feel a greater or lesser degree of intimacy (connectedness). Eye contact, talking, touch are all forms of intimacy.

Intimacy and sexuality are NOT the same

However, intimacy is not the same as sexuality. An intimate relationship is possible but does not have to have any physical / sexual dimension. Intimacy can very well exist without sexuality. For example, people who have a joint hobby (sports / politics / religion) can feel intimately connected. They show themselves, are open and vulnerable in terms of their hobby. And it can stay that way. Every relationship starts with (a minimum of) intimacy. Only a limited number of relationships extends to physical relationships. Only a limited number of physical / love relationships develop into sexual relationships. Sexuality is an extension of physical intimacy. In most relationships, intimacy first develops and then sexuality follows.

Rules bound

Intimacy and sexuality are subject to strict rules. What is “allowed” depends on the situation and culture. You can get closer to each other in the subway than on the street. In Japan, they deal with eye contact (intimacy) very differently than in Western countries. And in the USA/Netherlands too, the rules strongly depend on the (sub) culture to which you belong. How intimacy develops – or not – into sexuality is tightly laid down and subject to sanctions. Is sex allowed before marriage, is sex allowed without love? The answer all depends on where you belong (want to belong).


Intimacy starts with you

Take responsibility

Anyone who places the responsibility for their own happiness with others has a hard time in this world. Intimacy is a warm, a satisfied, a connected feeling, a feeling of happiness. You don’t need others for that and it is also important that others cannot take it away from you. The big question is of course … “how do I do that”.

We believe the answer is: start with yourself.

Intimacy starts with you!

Rest and relaxation

In addition to taking responsibility, the most important thing for intimacy with yourself is that you take the time for rest and relaxation. If you are always busy (on behalf of others), then you will not get into intimacy. You will have to take care of yourself a bit, set priorities.

More tips for intimacy

  • Make adequate ME time. Take free time for yourself (and your partner).
  • Give yourself / each other real attention. Listen!
  • Look for physical intimacy where possible – try to touch (casually)!
  • Do something that you like. Follow the voice of your heart.
  • Learn and do heart meditation regularly. Be kind to yourself.
  • Be grateful for what DOES exist, give (yourself) compliments.

Bring more intimacy into your life

Whoever is concerned with intimacy, for whom intimacy is an issue … we have created an online course. Step by step we take you with us on the intimacy path. And we start with you! Because if you can’t be intimate with yourself, then who can? As mentioned, being intimate is something completely different from being sexual. This is about the connection with yourself: Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul. The course gives you peace and relaxation and brings you back to your OWN value. You learn heart meditation and how to become friends with your own body and mind. You learn how to remove the obstacles that impede intimacy from your life. How you can meet others from your own sense of intimacy.

Let us inspire you!


Intimacy and sexuality are NOT the same


(re)discover your sexuality

Rediscover your sexuality

The (advertising) world revolves around sex. Sensuality, lust, and sex are important drivers in society. The strange thing is that sensuality & sexuality dominates on the one hand, but is heavily suppressed on the other. We are buried under explicit sexually motivated advertising, but sexual acts are often NOT allowed. In a certain way, we are addressed and triggered in the sexual being (beast) that we are. We were born out of sex, and without sex, the human race will not survive. Our sexual core, our sexual energy is a very important part of what we are. So we better not suppress it.

Sexual energy ≠ sexual acting

If we suppress our sexual energy, we will die slowly. Without sexual energy, our life force and creativity will gradually disappear. Suppression is therefore not the right answer. In any case, suppressing sexual energy sooner or later leads to very unwanted and perverse acts (abuse / rape / porn addiction). Suppression or indulgence is therefore not the way. Making a separation between sexual energy and our actions does. Making a distinction between the sexual energy flow, what/how we feel about that and the way we respond to it. Those who feel angry don’t have to act angry! If we feel sexually excited, we don’t have to catch and grab.

From Lust to Love

Anyone who dares to allow their sexual energy and let it flow freely and abundantly comes completely into their power. Lust is great! Being full of life-force is fine! For those looking further, for those who want to develop further, there is still a great addition. You can put your sexual energy, your zest for life at the service of your life energy (playing as a musical instrument in an orchestra). You can continue to grow in your life force, your loving presence, by not wasting but fully enjoying your sexual energy. By forgoing discharging your sexual energy, and by correctly charging and transforming your lust: the miracle of holding your sexual energy in and bring it up to your heart (and into your whole body). In this way, you can be super full of lifeforce and also full of the immense joy of life. It takes some time getting used to, a switch, but it changes your life forever!

Do you want to wake up sexually?

In addition to the “Intimacy starts with yourself” course or simply because you are ready, we have developed the “Rediscover your sexuality” course. This online course is about how you can fully develop your sexual potential. Step by step you can wake up sexually. Become friends and be intimate with your body. Getting acquainted with your (sexual) energy and feeling how this flows through your body. Release yourself from all sorts of taboos and mental beliefs when you are ready. Restore your zest for life and your life energy to its full glory. Feel that you are totally man or woman. Going from lust to the power of love.

More about sexual awakening


Read more

The power of sexual energy

How to become multi-orgasmic.

Back to the tantra blog

Take an e-Course

e-Course Re-discover your sexuality

e-Course Tantric sex explained

e-Course How to become Multi-orgasmic (M) – Start today!


Intimacy and sexuality, powered by Solana and Satori

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Satori de Ruijter

Hi, my name is Satori. You could say that I am enjoying life very much. Always looking at the bright side. My passion and lifestyle is tantra. Tantra is in my life for more than 20 years now. My wife and I fully enjoy it. We gave tantric workshops for many years. Now retired, but we have online tantra websites (ENG/NL). See online-tantra.com or .NL

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