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10 tips for great tantra sex
Great tantra sex tips
Great tantra sex is not just sex. There is a big difference between sex and lovemaking. Great tantra sex is sex with consciousness. Great tantra sex is sex with love. Tantra sex is not a solo activity but brings the two of you together in higher spheres. Great tantra sex also lasts much longer than ‘normal’ sex. For example, by not ejaculating you can last much longer. By charging and spreading the energy, body orgasms are possible. Tantra sex is fun! Below are some tips for great tantra sex. Use it to your advantage.
1. Create a tantra temple
Great tantra sex is special. And special sex asks for a special place for special sex. Most people have sex in bed, wherever they sleep. We suggest that you arrange a special place/space in your house. A beautiful tantra temple. A place where everything is focused on your being together. Maybe a special room, perhaps a beautiful creation in the living room. And of course, if you can’t do it otherwise, also in the bedroom: then turn your bed into a divine place. Tantra sees everything as divine, as sacred. Your partner is a God/Goddess. Your gathering is a divine encounter. A special moment, something very different, so make it something very beautiful.
So prepare yourself. Make plans together. Buy/collect some things (see also the tantra basics) and make a tantra temple. Look forward to the meeting, make time for it. Tune your mind, your body and your heart to your partner, let him/her know that you love him/her. SMS or mail that you long for your meeting. Have no expectation, but enjoy the anticipation. Foreplay has already begun a long time before…
Although in tantra sex foreplay does not really exist, a tantra massage as a warm-up is, of course, a delicious booster! Massage each other for half an hour each. Nice and juicy. Connect your partner to his/her body. Drop out of your head, into your body, to your heart.
Read all about tantric massage.
3. Look Lovingly
Connection with your heart is wonderful. Women usually are a little more connected to their heart, so warm up your man in the heart area too! Do a short heart meditation or open the heart during the tantra massage. Look each other in the eyes and focus on your heart. Relax your jaws, relax your shoulders and make your chest open and soft. Feel yourself being soft and loving; look softly, touch softly..
The guided meditation Look Lovingly is part of the e-Course Deepening your relationship
4. Inquiry desires
You can make the tantra sex wonderfully exciting by living your desires. Do a short inquiry, or talk to each other about your sexual heart desires. Break taboos and leave what “belongs”. Be aware of what you like, what you find pleasant and exciting. Also know what your partner likes.
Read more: Inquiry explained (pdf)
5. Sex versus Lovemaking
There is a big difference between sex and tantric sex. See the picture. Consciousness makes the difference, love makes the difference. In sex, one’s own pleasure (orgasm) is the most important, Lovemaking is more about being together. In sex, tension builds up, which then is (quickly) discharged into a (one-sided) orgasm. Tantra sex is about energetic charging and relaxing together in it. Furthermore, tantra sex is so much quieter (and lasts much longer). It is not about doing a lot, but more about being together and flowing together wonderfully.
Lovemaking has no fixed patterns, no routine actions. The focus is on the entire body and not only on the genitals. Not just thrusting, but a lot of attention to the flow of energy. Don’t go for a short, one-off peak orgasm, but for a more extensive orgasmic experience. Tantra sex is an energetic game that, in addition to pleasure, brings lovers in a state of happiness, bliss. In short, do:
- Slow down, do less.
- Make love consciously and with love.
- Play with your sexual energy and relax in it.
- There is no goal, follow your feeling/intuition.
- Make it last longer, use the SoE tools (see below).
- Surrender, enjoy, vibrate, feel ecstasy throughout your body.
Want to know more: Do the course Tantric Sex explained
6. Don’t ejaculate – use the SoE tools
The average sex takes a total of approx. 11 minutes (!). Usually the man then orgasms and is over and out. But that is not necessary. There is a difference between orgasm and ejaculation. You can last much longer without ejaculation. Multiple orgasms are also possible. Your State of Excitement (SoE) can be regulated by the SoE tools. They are, in short:
- More or less movement.
- Breathing faster or calmer.
- Playing with your PC muscle.
- Changing your focus (eg sex <> heart).
- Change the energy direction (upwards <> downwards).
In our e-Course How to become multi-orgasmic you will find an extensive explanation of the SoE tools.
7. Bring your energy up
Sexual energy that stays local, in your genitals, creates tension. We have learned early (especially men) to discharge this sexual tension through masturbation or sex. The orgasm discharges, relieves, and the tension decreases (temporarily). Normal sex orgasm is okay, but it is even nicer to bring the whole body into an orgasmic state of being.
By constantly activating the sexual energy together, by relaxing your body and spreading the energy, the entire body is charged and will vibrate. So do not discharge, but charge more and more. Use the SoE tools to not ejaculate and to delay the (first) orgasm. Always spread the sexual energy: by relaxing your whole body, by breathing up the energy and/or by making upward caresses over the back or the front of your partner. Pay all your attention to this upward flow. Focus on your heart (or 3rd eye) and feel how your whole body becomes orgasmic.
8. Swing your energy
Energy always wants to move. People also want to move. That’s why it’s so nice when you’re together with a partner. Then, together, you can let the energy move. Sit in the Shiva – Shakti position (see figure, naked is allowed) and let the sexual energy flow freely between you. You do not have to do much. Focus on your lower body and the heat that is there (or will come). Gradually align your breathing. Breathe in and out simultaneously.
So in steps, you do this:
- Sit Shiva-Shakti for a while.
- Relax in each other’s arms. Enjoy each other. Focus on your heart.
- Gradually align your breathing. Breathe in and out simultaneously.
- Then, when you inhale, snuggle against (or in, penetration) each other, focus on your genitals and firmly tighten your PC muscle.
- At your exhalation, move your upper bodies away from each other again. Relax, look at each other and breathe out through your mouth, energetically through each other, to each other’s sex. At the same time, push your lower bodies together and let yourself be heard, if you like. Aaaahhhh …
- And that is how you swing towards each other (see 4) and away from each other (see 5).
9. Jump out of the box
“Normal” sex is bound to many norms, values, and rules. In fact, the “normal” part means that there is not much that can and should be done: only sex if you are married, just having sex with your own partner, only sex in the private environment, and only having sex if nobody hears or notices it. And of course, only sex when the light is off, and only right to sex. Sex is also actually bad, so ready as quickly as possible…
Full of conditioning
Whether you are aware of it or not, we are full of conditioning and taboos about sex. This means that sex has lost a lot of its shine. Guilt, shame, and fear dominate your sex life. Tantra accepts everything, and thus also accepts how you are conditioned. But: consciousness frees you, and gives you a choice. You do not have to feel guilty, sex is very natural. And you certainly do not have to be ashamed, you do not do anything wrong. You do not have to be afraid to fail, you can’t do it wrong.
Take a risk
The opposite is also possible! Be creative and let your lovemaking take the form it wants. Experiment, take a risk! Go wild and follow the impulses you get. Of course, always in tune with your partner, demand free and with respect for your own and each other’s boundaries. But live your sexual dreams. Make love on the beach, on the edge of the sea (or in it). Follow your intuition. Feel free. Feel what suits the two of you! Use the inquiry (see 4) also to get inspiration. Create your own party. Enjoy, dance, jump, make love.
10. Journey to Heaven (with penetration)
The Journey to Heaven is a joint journey along the chakras. A journey that follows the liberating flow. The Journey can be done with clothes on, naked and/or with penetration (in that order). It is just what suits your tantric development. You make the journey together, rise together from the lower chakras, in a – hopefully – wonderful connection, to the higher chakras.
It is a journey in which you raise the energy of the lower chakras, like LUST (for life), to the heart chakra, where that energy can be transformed to LOVE and from there you take the energy to the higher chakras, where it can be transformed to DEVOTION. You will feel that during the journey the vibration in yourself and between you changes. Life energy in the form of sexual energy has an often hotter, coarser vibration than the warm vibration of the heart, of love. And that is different from the light, clear vibrations of the highest chakras. Go and feel it, just experience it. It is a voyage of discovery.
The guided meditation Journey to Heaven is part of the e-Course Tantric sex explained
More tips for great tantra sex
These tips are of course very concise and therefore also incomplete. They give a clue, are actually pointers to a wide range of aspects of tantric sex. Each tip, therefore, represents a world of insights, (possible) experiences and discoveries. We will go deeper into this in our other articles.
So: read on
Or/and do an online course
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