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12 ways to get closer together
– What brings couples closer together – improve your relationship.
– What to know – What to do.
The swinging movement of being alone and together
Every couple knows it: there are moments of intense togetherness and there are moments of being alone. If you are together (too) long, you want to be alone again. If you are alone (too) long then you are looking for company. In our view, this is a very natural swinging movement, a movement that is an element of the world of duality. Only by unmasking, breaking down, losing, passing through the illusion of duality, this swinging movement stops. And then…. We live again in the unity, the wholeness we are all looking for.
If we are past the illusion, “together” is the same as “alone”. Then all parting is eliminated. Yeah right, but it isn’t that far yet. We’re on our way … And on that road, at any moment in the swinging movement, love and awareness can help you find the way to the middle, the way to unity. Below are some insights that helped us, and can help you.
1. Recognize/accept the differences
Day and night, hot and cold, soft and hard, husband and wife. In the duality, the nature of things is transformed into extremes. On the one hand the man and the other side the woman. That’s how we should be. At the same time, however, we compare and evaluate the other to the image we have of our own, our own sex. A nice projection! And thus there is admiration, but also incomprehension for the other sex. Yes, women talk to get things in line and men only talk when they have things in line. The emotional outbursts of women make us crazy (at least most men). For the distant, cool computing of men, it’s the some (for the woman at least).
Utilize the full range of our male/female qualities
Well, the “female” qualities differ from the “male”. But in tantra we don’t see them as opposites but more as additions to each other. The man, the woman does not exist at all! We are all “Human Beings”, with both male and female qualities. As we are able to utilize the full range of our male/female qualities, our functioning, our lives get richer. So recognize the differences between you and your partner and accept the complementary qualities (of your partner) as a gift. Look in that mirror and see yourself. Accept what you see, learn from your partner and enrich your life. See also the article Understand and accept differences in your relationship.
2. Remove blockages
In each relationship, issues gradually built up, like sand in the machine, as a wall building up between to two of you. Sometimes a lot of sadness, anger, frustration builds up with one or the both of you. It may also be that unprocessed issues (fear/shame) from the past come up and form a barrier between you. If you want to stay closer together, it is wise to tear down these barriers and to remove the blockades on a regular basis. Just see it as a big cleaning. Or major maintenance. Sounds logical right? See also the article on Sharing.
3. Try something different
If you just know each other, there are no patterns, structures or routines other than yours. However, you will notice or noticed that more or less solid patterns will develop over time. You think you know your partner … His/her habits, personality, preferences and desires … But see also that these patterns will gradually determine your relationship. Not you, but the patterns determine the possible course of your lives: your relationship becomes predictable, routine and boring. Of course, you can blame your partner, but rather take responsibility for your own life: perceive your side of the relationship and unmask your own conditioning, your patterns and (mind)habits.
Do something unexpected, something exciting
And then…. Try something different … sleep on her side of the bed! Change your solid patterns, embrace the unknown. Do things contrary to how you always do them. Alright, confusing … Act crazy … Do something unexpected, something exciting … Surprise your partner and look, take note of what’s happening in your relationship.
4. Free the life energy in your body
In your life, in your relationship, you have the choice of slowly noting off or continuing to be alive and kicking… You can stay in full power of your life and in your relationship, or surrender to the pressure of what is expected of you, making yourself smaller and smaller. Closer Together means choosing a great and powerful life! In a human body, so much energy is available. We can move mountains with it: the sky is not even the limit when we connect to our base, to our roots, to our sexual energy (sex drive). And what if we use the energy behind our emotions and let them flow together with the powers of our passion and passion??
Dare to speak out
When do we dare to speak out, see our wisdom? Go for it and let/feel your Life-Force grow! When life energy flows up and down our body, we feel great. It flows down, so we can manifest ourselves in this world. It flows up so we can feel the love, see the light and reach the divine. And then …… wow then we connect (again) with our partner with an intensity you may never have experienced before. Together flowing, bubbling, swirling, fusing together.
5. Discover the energy game
One of the many beautiful discoveries we have made in tantra is how wonderful it is to play the energy game together. Wallow yourself in life energy and relaxing in it all. Being super energetic, yet relaxed. And once you know where to find energy, you can’t stop playing anymore. You can stand together powerful (and active) in life as a rock in the surf. Totally being there for each other. You can also enjoy playing with your sexual energy. Your sex life will get a boost: longer, more intense, super fulfilling.
Play with passion
And with the power of passion, you can also play. Do you know that immense energy that spells out of one’s eyes when he/she talks about his passion? Discover your passion (s) … Feel the Force … And what to think of a heart to heart connection that brings you together into heaven? An unprecedented intimacy and connectivity that is also for you. Discover the energy game and play forever.
6. Make sure there’s polarity
A special focus in the energy game is the polarity between the two of you. The days of dependency are over! We don’t judge it, but the days of the traditional model of the macho man and the kitchen gown are counted. And according to us, the model of the complete, independent man/woman is doomed. It’s boring!!!! Who wants to live there with a clone of himself?
Go for Fatal Attraction
Of course, there must be enough base, sufficient match with your partner: the things you share and cherish together (values, visions, interests). But there must also be sufficient differences to make living together interesting. Plus and plus bump off each other. The same with minus and minus. For sure the most beautiful of man and woman is the polarity between both! Just that makes that you can all be yourself in a relationship. Long live the differences between man and woman, long live the polarity. Honor polarity if you want to be Closer Together.
7. Really see your partner and dare to show yourself
Closer Together is also about seeing and being seen. Look fresh at your partner and show yourself all the way. It is wonderful to again / keep discovering each other. With a loving touch, by sharing your secrets with each other or by being in a wonderfully vibrant, flowing heart contact. But this requires dare … The gut to stay out routine, stay away from the familiar. Do you dare you to meet the challenge of the unknown? Discovering the world, your partner open-minded again, with all your senses? Do you have the attention and interest to really watch and listen? Do you want to show yourself? Say what you feel, say what you want, what your desires are? Are you going for togetherness? “Taking care of (time) together” is an active process and gives the space to deepen your relationship and rejoice again.
8. Discover the importance of touch
Communication is an important “bridge” to get in touch with each other again. As far as we are concerned, a loving touch/caress is the king of communication. Touch is so important in a humans life. Partners touching each other can give each other so much, tell each other so much. But real touch is of a quality that is no longer taught us by nature. We -almost- don’t touch anymore and when we do, it’s “only” functional, without love, without intimacy, so only a fraction of what is possible.
Enjoy the Tantric Touch
We go for the Tantric Touch (follow the link for the article about this). A Loving Touch with attention and presence. Being completely present in the touch. Both on the receiving and receiving side. A completely open channel, which allows synchronization and intimacy. A fusion that also allows the feeding and healing power of love energy to work. A touch that gives support to your partner, is nutritious, loving …
9. Good sex is never bad
The intimacy of touch can find a new dimension in massage and/or the miracles of sex. In the male vision/psyche, sex itself is the way to connect. If you really understand that, your heart melts and you (f) open yourself to the male sexual energy. Remember the time that you first met. Bodies that found/find each other. Lust is okay. Closer Together, the fit is found in the balance between the head (mind), body (body) and heart (soul). Being in your body through sex is a link to your heart. See sex as a nice touch and energy game; nicely in motion. Enjoy the energy flow in your body.
10. Make a circle of Love
For (most) men sex is the way to find a connection. For (most) women the heart is the natural place to reach out to the partner. When the sex-heart circle is around, the man meets his wife in a profoundly vibrant connection. When the heart-sex circle is around, the woman meets her husband in an intense fusion of love.
Make a circle of Love
Sex for love, love for sex. For men, sex is the gateway to their heart. Open, receptive women can receive the male sexual energy and bring it to their heart. They can teach their partner to open their heart. For women, the heart is the gateway to sex. Loving men can receive the love of their wife and bring it down to their sex. They can make a beautiful pure sexual connection. They can invite their partner to open her Yoni completely and take part in this nutritious sexual stream. And so you can energetically melt together in The Circle of Love. A delicious energy-fusion game.
11. Enjoy BE-ING: just be quiet and do nothing
And then it’s time to stop doing. The world is a busy place and doing “nothing” is tricky, but if you’re in the Circle of Love time and place are gone completely. Doing nothing together is delicious. All separation seizes to exist. He and she no longer exist. You’re together, a couple…
12. See the divine in your partner
A final insight to bring you closer together might be a bother. But look around you. Can you see the beauty and beauty of all that is? Can you see the perfection of the imperfect world? See the bigger picture! See and feel the strength/power that is much bigger than yours. We are all a small but perfect cradle in a larger whole. See the beautiful structures, see the complexity of how everything is related.
Take a good fresh look at your partner
See how beautiful your body, the world, the cosmos is. In everything you see, the divine is hidden. So … .. take a good fresh look at your partner. Can you see the divine now in her/him? Our advice is to see your partner as a divine appearance. To give him or her the worship the belongs to him/her. See all that he or she is doing or saying as an expression of the divine and wonder about the effect that this has on your relationship. Be devoted to your partner and be rewarded with heaven on earth. To be divine you do not have to wait until you die.
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