Action plan for happiness
Action plan for happiness. All my life I had periods of mild depression. It seems to me that happiness is always followed by sadness. And yes, I know very well that this is the swing of duality, the swing of life. I always tried to be as conscious as possible with it. Accepting unhappiness as a fact of life, even “enjoying” it. Still, even today I am triggered into this dark energy, losing contact with my heart and my beloveds. Wanting to be alone in my cave. Losing contact with the source of all: love.
Recently this process had a dramatic turn. My beloved couldn’t take it anymore and left me. It was a huge shock, hit me hard, and totally threw me off balance. It were dark days. Luckily for both of us, we got together again and talked our way back. Seeing the processes, our triggers, our wounds… Our hearts opened up again. Love flows again. I am happy together as never before.
The point that I want to make here is that I -again- realized that I have to take responsibility for my own (un)happiness. The events made me once again aware that happiness is a choice. That happiness is the result of living consciously, lovingly, AND actively making efforts to stay centered. Accepting (un)happiness and at the same time improve the quality of my life and relationships. So I made an “action plan”, a list of things to consider. I am totally committed to following them up.
Please find my action plan below. It’s a mix of sharing my experience with you and talking to myself (you). I know it’s incomplete but it works for me and hopefully, it can help you too.
Enjoy your loved ones, enjoy life
The power of your convictions is great. So I have to reinstate my primary conviction “Wanting to live a conscious and loving life”. Making “Enjoying life” my basic attitude and goal again! Because what you believe is what’s going to happen. So remember and validate your norms and values again and again. Make them your mantra. I say: Love yourself, love your loved ones, enjoy life as conscious as you can.
See the process to depression
The key to happiness is (self)love and awareness. My mood swings from left to right. Always will, it’s also no problem for me. But if my mood swings too far up or down, I will get into trouble. And it’s not like the weather, I have control over my mood. I don’t blame myself for my mood, I just try to be aware of it. And then I step in…
Stop the process in time
This is of course not easy to do, but it’s an active step for me to take. To take responsibility and STOP IT. Whatever it takes. Could be ways to still my mind. Or could be to step out of the situation (work/relationship) for a while. Could be that I take a break from worrying by being physically active: love to go to the gym, get tired. Whatever you need, whatever works… DO IT.
Breath, take some rest
When I’ am running around, when my brain is running around, I “have” to calm down. So I meditate, I do some breathing exercises, I relax my mind, I relax my body. To you, I would say: get out of the rat-race you are normally in. Maybe that seems impossible but it’s about the most precious thing you have: your happiness. So prioritize: take breathers, relax, focus on self-love.
Live your truth
Some values in life are so close to my core that not honoring them is bound to make me unhappy. Even when I’m totally happy, I need my personal space. I tend to forget that. I want to lead a loving life, so I have to check whether my actions are truly lovable (and not egoistic or aggressive). So find out what your truth is. Scan your home situation, your work, your relationship(s) and find out what matters to you most. Find out your inner motives and live by them, no matter what.
Speak out and let it go
The easiest way to get unhappy is to hoard all my irritation, anger, and ignore all the things that trigger me (negatively). I have to get rid of this process of hoarding the dark side. Be aware of it, speak out, and let it go. Always keep it to myself. Never blame others. Talk inside out: I feel… I think… If I can’t say it to others, I write it down. Let it out of my system.
Action plan for Happiness
Do fun things
Stopping the process, making the swing go the other way is bound to happen if I focus on fun things. I myself have a list of “fun things” and check on it regularly. So what makes your heart tick? What makes you happy? Make your own list and focus on doing that. Could be going to the movies, go to the gym, have a nice intimate diner, have a good laugh, dance, have sex…
Feel good, always feel better
However you feel, you can always feel better. A long time ago I wrote this article. Still true. Check it out.
Keep cool, stay undisturbed
Shiva stays undisturbed. David Deida says it all the time: stay undisturbed! Take a deep breath, count to ten, and relax. Whatever happens, happens and I try to remember that it has nothing to do with me. It’s NOT personal, so don’t ever take it personally. Take some distance, stay aware, and observe. If it touches me, okay, then I know that there’s (healing) work to be done.
Don’t be so damned critical
We were all brought up with conditional love. So self-rejection is a big motivation. A lack of self-love is my biggest challenge. My ego doesn’t like me to get hurt, so it projects all the shit on others. They are not okay, they do it wrong! They are the cause of my misery. Yeah right! Even if it’s objectively true, remember people make mistakes. It could easily be me. So soften up and relax. Don’t be so damned critical. Show some compassion.
Don’t be so (easily) disappointed
Shit happens… A life without downsides isn’t possible. So I try to celebrate my successes and accept my setbacks. I have to see the broader context and put things into perspective. Surely, overall it isn’t so bad. I have so much to be grateful for. Let go of all the small stuff and focus more on what is really important.
Dare to say NO
Always adjusting, always pleasing others doesn’t make me happy. I have to believe in and stand up for myself. Do the things I want! That is NOT egoistic. Of course, I have to compromise in life if I want to live with others. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t say no: say YES to my NO. Self-love is also about accepting what I don’t want.
Respect others opinion
A great way to get frustrated and eventually depressed is if I always want to change other people’s opinions. I have to leave some space for opinions, concepts, values that I don’t endorse. Respect other’s opinions and be happy that we are not all alike. Be happy with that whole spectrum of life.
Change the way you deal with setbacks
Hard times have made me stronger… So the setbacks I encounter in life are there to let me grow. They give me important experiences, lessons to learn, the possibility to heal old wounds (life trauma’s). So stay out of the negative vibe and see the value of it. Don’t take it personally unless it is personal. Stay out of the victimized feeling. Access the situation and act appropriately.
Action plan for Happiness
Release on time
It’s a pattern (maybe inevitable) that I accumulate negative influences. I sometimes need time to process what has happened. Due to the residue from my past (even past lives), I pile up and store negativity in my system. That brings me down, which forces me away from my natural state of happiness. Small children release (unconsciously) on the spot. They can go from anger to laughter in a split second. Adults need to release with awareness. So find your way to release unneeded, pilled up emotional baggage.
Share your feelings
Wow, this item should be the first! It is so important that I acknowledge and express my feelings. I have to remember, however, always to keep it at yourself. It mine! Maybe my feeling (of love, anger, sadness) is about others, but it’s my feeling! I always have to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Yet feel the relief and/or joy of sharing feelings. Sharing is awesome if there’s no judgment or rejection. Just sharing (the cause of) my unhappiness can be a big relief. Sharing can bring me back in a more balanced, happier state of being.
Focus on the good stuff
Black and white, day and night, duality will be in my life. Some people see the negative side of everything. That doesn’t make me happy. I like to see the positive side of everything. That doesn’t take away the negative. What it does do is that I can become happier with whatever is/happens. So like learning how to walk, I can learn to see the positive side of everything. It will not change anything that happens, but it will change the way I perceive it.
Dump your slump
Yet another old article I wrote some time ago: Dump your Slump
I choose happiness
Is it okay to be happy? About your misery you can talk, we’re used to that. That’s okay. But have you ever tried to talk about your happiness? Just being happy and cheerful. Radiant, overflowing with love? Having a great time, loving everything. People will stare at you as if you’re crazy. Happiness isn’t a conversation issue. People won’t believe you or will look skeptical. Ah well, they think by themselves, it will pass. A temporary madness. Tomorrow he/she will encounter misery again.
The power of positive feedback
Give love and you get it back (in time) a thousandfold. The same is true for positive feedback. Start giving positive feedback to your loved ones. Maybe even to everyone that you encounter. It will make you feel better! It’s an amazing process that works totally automatically. Try it Satori!
Action plan for Happiness
Laugh, dance, be happy
Thoughts influence feelings and my body talk too! If I act angry I will start having angry feelings. My body talks, all I have to do is listen. Break loose, jump around, and start to be happy. Start laughing and happy feelings will follow. Maybe first, stuff comes up that blocks my happiness. Maybe I will cry before I’ am able to laugh. But it’s all the same. Let your body talk. E-motion by moving. Dance, play, act crazy. It’s a proven way to release and get back to happiness.
Be loving to yourself
The worst thing I can do to yourself is being o so critical and judgmental to myself. If I become aware that I do, I start doing something nice for myself. I nourish myself in every possible way I can think of. Look in the mirror and see that gorgeous person that you are. YOU are perfect, precisely the way you are. Be loving, get intimate with yourself.
Unwind the day
Finishing whatever has to be finished is the objective of unwinding the day. It’s a way to clean the mind of old unfinished business. It’s a simple process. You start to remember your day going back in time. So start with something relevant that happened a minute ago, then an hour ago and then step by step back during your day. If you come across something with an emotional charge, look at it, acknowledge it, and let go of the attachment. Make no effort to solve everything, just unwind the day as much as is possible.
Loneliness is the number one cause of depression. We all need intimate connection, we all need to be touched and nourished once in a while. I know how hard it is to reach out in a time of depression, but it is maybe the number one solution to feel better. Reach out and touch. Reach out and get noticed and loved by others. Very few of us are without loved ones.
Take care of your hormone system
Serotine and oxytocin are two hormones responsible for a happy feeling. Intimate human contact has a major influence on both! Hugging, touching, intimacy makes me happy. Having a loving attitude makes me happy. So start opening up yourself! Smile, be friendly to the people you encounter. Touch if appropriate. Hug as much as you can. Hugging is healthy! Know what makes you happy!
Orgasm is good for happiness. Ejaculation, however, has a major impact on my hormone system. So I learned how to control my State of Excitement (SoE). I learned to have (multiple) orgasms without ejaculation. See or e-course How to become multi-orgasmic.
In my house, I have set up reminders of my action plan for happiness. Things to remember:
- Enjoy life
- See and stop the process to depression
- Take responsibility
- Breath, take some rest
- Live your truth
- Do fun things
- Keep cool, it’s (not) personal
- Show some compassion
- Be grateful for what is there
- Dare to say NO
- Respect others opinion
- See the value of setbacks
- Release on time
- Share your feelings
- Focus on the good stuff
- Choose happiness
- Give positive feedback
- Laugh, dance, be happy
- Be loving to yourself
- Unwind the day
- Get together, enjoy intimacy!
- Take care of your hormone system
- Enjoy multi orgasms
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